A group of guys, maybe in college or maybe older, set out to take a vacation on the beach or head to the mountains to do some tanning/skiing. Someone has a kick-ass beach-front house/cabin at the foot of a mountain or has a friend who owns a kick-ass beach-front house/cabin at the foot of a mountain. The babes flow like wine and they have names like Candy and Sunny. Wet t-shirt contests are the criteria for which all women are judged. The beer bongs go on for miles. No ethnic stereotype goes unexploited. No illegal drug goes unused. The hair is big the breasts are bigger. And most importantly, the skin is on parade for all to see.
What happened to this lost art?
I'm talking specifically about Spring Break, Hardbodies and Hot Dog The Movie. Every childhood male fantasy projected against a big screen in full-glorious technicolor. Simple plots where the biggest conflict is whether a guy can win the big splash contest and nail the hot lead singer of the all girl band within the same day. Man, those were the days. And why can't we have more of them? With the amount of shit that goes straight to DVD, why can't we still have a few gems such as these? Give me back the thongs and the roller skates and the hot tubs and the skinny dipping and the sex in public places.
Am I asking too much? It's not like you would have to tap Paul Haggis to write. Just grab a dude. Any dude. Give him a sixer or a twelver, a couple of pencils, a simple plot line like Uncle Jerry has owned a Ski Lodge/Beach Hotel for 35 years but a local land shark threatens to tear it down for a shopping mall if Uncle Jerry can't make his payments. Nephew Jeff and his two buddies Fish and Scooter come to help Uncle Jerry save the Lodge/Hotel. Lock the dude in a hotel room for about a day to write and voila, you have your next Bunny Season or Sunny Tails or Thongs and Beer Bongs (you have my permission to use any of those).
It is time for the pendulum to swing back. For all of us to lower our standards just a bit, to regress a pinch and remember what got us through our tumultuous teens. It is time again to expect that if a woman is wearing a white t-shirt, it's going to get drenched. It is time again for bunnies to have long blond hair, big gorgeous racks and to hop from bed to bed. It is time again for the 80's Skin Flicks. We have waited long enough.