What Evil Drives

A while back I wrote that some movies are better left remembered. Well, I watched The Car again with my son recently and found that it held up rather well. A little bit corny, a little bit rock and roll and still creepy. But looking at the film 31 years later, it's hard not to notice that a few things have changed.


I mean really, who plays the French Horn anymore. Sheesh. Had I seen that dude on the side of the road, I would have run over him myself, and I'm not even Evil. But I bet I would have gotten a very appreciative call from Evil saying "hey thanks, you saved me a trip." But mostly, I couldn't stop thinking about the car. I mean The Car! I watched it tear down the open road, mowing over pedestrian after pedestrian at top speeds and I couldn't help but think to myself... that thing must get really shitty gas mileage. It's a 1971 Lincoln Continental Mark III after all.


What do you think we're talking here? 12 in the city and 18 on the highway? There's no doubt that Evil has good taste, but I'm hoping that he has deep pockets as well. I can only imagine that Evil was probably at the pump twice a week filling that gas guzzler, making small talk with the gas attendant "Yeah, me again. Fill it with premium and if you can get that brain matter off my windshield, there's a nice tip in it for you. Thanks."

In today's economy, you might be caught dead on The Car, but you wouldn't be caught dead in it. You couldn't afford to. Let's say you walk on to the car lot and tell the dealer "I want what evil drives" very authoritatively. But then you follow it up quickly with "but do you have that in a hybrid?" Sure you wouldn't have near the horses and you may have to run over your victims a dozen times to really kill them, but you'd really be doing the environment a favor. Killing innocent people is fine, but killing the environment? Shit, that's just cruel.

This entry is part of Final Girl's Film Club.