An Important Message From Machete

Hello. This is Machete. I have an important message for all of you out there. Especially for those of you who want to get laid. If you want to get laid, there's one thing you have to do. Kill people. But you can't just kill them by shooting them with a gun. That is too simple. You need to kill them in creative and interesting ways. Like with a carburetor. Or with a gardening spade. Then you will get laid. Here, let me break it down for you. You + Interesting Killing Technique = Getting Laid. That's how it works. Now if you're already good looking and you can land lots of hot women, then good for you. But if you're ugly and scarred and shit and you want to screw hot women like Jessica Alba, then kill people in really bizarre ways and then you will get laid by hot women like Jessica Alba. Thank you for your time.