Tuesday, November 28, 2006


I'm late on this I know. It was about a week and a half ago that Tom and Katie had their fake wedding in Italy. It was their Trekkology wedding which is not a real wedding. The real wedding was in LA a week before.

Anyways, I was amazed to see Brooke Shields was invited. And not only was she invited, she came. I couldn't believe it! Here's a woman that Tom Cruise called out on National TV for taking anti-depressants after her pregnancy.

So I saw the footage of Brooke in a little Italian shop (or is it shoppe?) purchasing a $1,200 dress for her baby (evidently the anti-depressants are working very well) and nobody came out and asked her... WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING HERE? ARE YOU THAT SHALLOW? THAT FAKE? I MEAN, COME ON.

So, since the National media decided not to press Brooke Shields on the subject, I will. This is my imaginary interview with Brooke Shields.

PP: Hey Brooke, thanks for joining me today.

BS: Always a pleasure Pat

PP: Loved you in Blue Lagoon.

BS: Oh (laughs) thanks

PP: Seriously, how did they get your hair to always fall perfectly so we could never see... you know.

BS: Umm, well...

PP: I digress. Really, the reason I'm interviewing you today is that I saw that you went to the TomKat wedding.

BS: Yes, my husband and I were delighted to receive the invite and it was such a beautiful wedding. We're so happy for Tom and Katie. We wish them all the luck in the world.

PP: Yeah. Anyway, so why did you go?

BS: Well, my husband and I have never been to Italy for a wedding and we thought it was a great...

PP: No seriously, why did you go?

BS: Well if you'll let me finish...

PP: Oh I'm sorry, I was looking for the real answer.

BS: I don't know what you mean?

PP: I mean... how could you attend the wedding of the man who publically called you out for taking anti-depressants because it didn't agree with his fake religion?

BS: Pat, we didn't talk about this in our pre-interview prep.

PP: Well, we're talking about it now. Seriously, what was the reason? Not getting enough press lately?

BS: That's absurd.

PP: Is it? I mean if you wanted press, there's always Blue Lagoon 3? You appearing half naked on a movie screen in a horrible movie would be a lot more respectful than you appearing on my TV set being a big fat fake.

BS: This interview is over.

PP: Yes it is. Never darken my door again, Brooke.

Brooke Shields is the culmination of everything that's wrong with Hollywood. She puts her pride, any respect for herself or all women past, present and future so she can get a little camera time. Good God. I hope it was worth it Brooke. I hope someone, somewhere is dusting off that Brenda Starr 2 script.


Todd C said...

So what is your actual opinion of Tom, Katie, and Brooke? I couldn't tell.

Butch Dog said...

Pat - Good to see you back in business. Tom Cruise blows.

Best wishes,
Bryan H.

Anonymous said...

antidepressants? well for those small breasted women , you could try 44 double dees and for men whos member is considered too small theres always john holmes penis implants................. :>)