Thursday, November 30, 2006

Rocky Balboa - The very first review

It's my great honor to get in the very first review of the upcoming movie Rocky Balboa.

Don't ask me how it happened, it just happened. So here I am writing the very first review of Rocky Balboa, the final chapter of the Academy Award Winning franchise. Before Variety, before the New York Times, Rolling Stone, Entertainment Weekly. It really is amazing.

Oh my gosh, where do I start. I'm a little nervous, I mean thousands of thousands of people might look to this review and solely base their decision on whether to see the movie on what I have to say about it. So here it goes.

Rocky Balboa sucks. It sucks big time. I haven't seen it, nor do I need to see it to tell you it sucks. Sylvester has gone to the shriveled teet yet again. And this time he's directing. Anybody remember some of his earlier directorial outings? How about Rocky IV, or better yet Staying Alive.

This is how bad it is. Talia Shire isn't even in it. And she needs a career revival about as bad a Sylvester Stallone.

So thank me. Here it is December 1st and you know Rocky Balboa sucks 24 days a head of schedule. You're welcome.


Anonymous said...

I bet you're right. But I wonder if he's going to win that big fight against that younger guy.

Anonymous said...

This should be called lazy review theater. What's written here is a preview /prediction, not a review.

OH! I'm sorry maybe your being satirical well, so am I.

PIPER said...

Actually, I prefer Lazy Ass review. And I'm pretty sure it's a pretty accurate prediction. The only thing I didn't do was to tell you the plot. Then it would be a full review. A bad one, but still a review.

Anonymous said...

You were wrong

PIPER said...


True. But it's not like I bagged on The Godfather. I was wrong in saying that it was going to suck.