You can talk about condoms and abstinence in the classrooms and on TV all you want, but the truth is, nothing curbs teen sex more than a good old fashioned decapitation. Or a sharp instrument through the throat. Or being sliced in half by a machete. These are the teen sex rules as established by Jason Voorhees and they are not negotiable. If you are teen-aged and engaging in any kind of funny business with a member of the opposite sex, about to engage in it, or even thinking about engaging in it, here are the facts: you will probably be killed by Jason. And it won't be pleasant. If you're lucky, he'll make it fast and just slit your throat. But most likely he will slowly squeeze your head until your eyeball pops out and then you will die shortly after.
Sean S. Cunningham should be getting check after check from the U.S. Government for starting the best anti-teen sex message ever: Teen Sex = Death. Leave your STD and teen pregnancy stories for someone else. My advice, when your son or daughter turns 13, give them the Friday The 13th Collection: From Crystal Lake to Manhattan. Celebrate their birthday, wear some hats, blow some horns, eat some cake and ice cream and then pop those suckers into the DVD one after another. And continue to do so until even the mention of sex turns your kid into a limp, heaving mess much like Alex from A Clockwork Orange.
Yes, thanks to Jason Voorhees, not only did I never attend camp, nor go in a canoe until I was about 25, but I thought twice before I touched a boobie or hopped in the sack with any girl for fear that Jason would be there shortly after the deed to punish me for my wrongdoings. Actually, my looks had more to do with my lack of 'teen play' but for the purpose of this post, let's just blame it all on Jason.