Friday, January 29, 2010

Time To Prepare For The Apocalypse

We're all looking for signs of the looming Apocalypse. Floods. Earthquakes. Locusts. A McDonalds french fry in the like-ness of Jesus that's crying. But I want to point you to some other undeniable signs that in fact tell us the Apocalypse is no longer in the future. It is right around the corner, at a stop light, sending a text message that says "be there in just a sec :)"

Sign #1: Sandra Bullock wins a Golden Globe for her role in The Blind Side and could possibly be nominated for an Oscar and could possibly win. The queen of forgettable Rom-Com up for an Oscar? Wha? It hasn't happened yet. YET! But it could.

Sign #2 Tim Burton to head the Cannes Jury. Wait, is there another Tim Burton I don't know about? You mean The Lousy Remake King Tim Burton whose last truly good film was Ed Wood, that Tim Burton? The same.

Sign #3 James Cameron has once again hoodwinked everyone into thinking that just because he's a technical genius, he can actually write and direct actors and now he's a lock to sweep the Oscars with Avatar, a technically wonderful film but certainly not the best picture of the year. Or any year for that matter.

These are the signs, my dear friends. They are there, staring you right in the face and they cannot be ignored. The world's gone crazy! But fear not, Piper at Lazy Eye Theatre is here to help you not only prepare but survive the inevitable end of the world.

Throughout the entire month of February, I will be posting tips to help you cope with all this batshit craziness.



Simon said...

I'm afraid...

At least we can take some small solace in the fact that every other director, actor, and writer at the Globes hates Cameron twice as much.

brian said...

I'm scurred.