Michelle Rodriguez Ain't Half Bad. When She Smiles

This woman has made a very small career mostly out of sneering and snarling. But why? She really is beautiful when she smiles. Check out those pearly whites.

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Por favor, llame a un doctor.

10 Characters I Love, Understand, Fear and Feel Sorry For

Rick at the oh-so wonderful Coosa Creek Cinema has tagged me with the 10 Characters Meme which originated with the I really need to stop by and visit more often FilmSquish.



Laura of High Fidelity Rob Gordon is about as self-centered and aimless as it gets. Fortunately, he has one hell of a woman in his life, Laura. She is understanding enough to put up with all the bullshit, and strong enough to help Rob pull himself out of it. And she does it not with a bang, but an elegant whisper. It's wrong to think of Nick Hornby's books as male-centered, because it's always the woman who saves them from being incredible pricks. Stephen Frears does this material proud and we've got a female character for the ages.



Royal Tenenbaum of The Royal Tenenbaums To hell with comfort. With routines. Royal Tenenbaum is like one giant rock placed inconveniently among the many cogs, constantly stopping it from going along its merry way. And that's what I love about him. He's a bastard for sure, but a bastard I would love to mix things up from time to time.



Willy Wonka of Willy Wonka & the Chocolate Factory Beneath the steely stare and the wry asides of Willy lies the heart of a child. He has taught me that we can grow up, but we don't have to ever grow old.




Paul Cicero of Goodfellas "Paulie may have moved slow, but it was only because Paulie didn't have to move for anybody." That's the life I want.



Hank Kingsley of The Larry Sanders Show I have often argued that Hank Kingsley might be the most complex character ever to hit the little screen. One moment as insecure as a teenager at a dance, the next as arrogant as an A-lister trying to get a table in a packed restaurant. Just when you think you've pegged "Hey Now" Hank, he changes it up and keeps things interesting.



Antonio Salieri of Amadeus I have many passions in life and yet I know that no matter how much I study them or work at them, there will be someone better than me. There is an admiration for those people, but also a child-like resentment. Salieri is the culmination of every jealous feeling I've ever had.



Cowboy of Mulholland Dr. Who is the cowboy? What does he do in his down-time? Where does he live? How did he become the "Cowboy"? These are the questions that haunt me. May I never cross his path.



Rupert Pupkin of The King Of Comedy Whenever I have genuine intentions that go horribly wrong, I think of Rupert Pupkin.



Golda Meir of Munich There are those hulking figures who instantly read menace with their furrowed brows and bulging muscles. And then there are the grandmotherly types who will serve you tea and send you on a suicide mission. The latter scares me much more because you don't see them coming. I admire Golda's modesty, but know that beneath that simple dress she wears there's one hell of a bat and she knows how to use it.



Jefferson Smith of Mr. Smith Goes To Washington Jefferson Smith is too trusting. He's too nice. He's too optimistic. And I'll take that over the other any day of the week and six times on Sunday. Jefferson Smith is not only the character I wish I were, it's what I wish everyone were.

My belief is that I have been so late in putting this together that everyone has already done this meme. But if you have not and feel so moved to do you own post, consider yourself tagged.

The Dead Men of Dunharrow

Oh, I see how it is, Dead Men of Dunharrow. You pledge allegiance to Isildur at the Stone of Erech, only to turn your back on him during his war against Sauron, because you guys may or may not have been "friends" back in the dark ages. Isildur curses you and that's not to say that he says you guys are a bunch of assholes. I mean, he really curses you. Like you guys became ghosts that couldn't rest until you fulfilled your oath. And when I say rest, I don't mean like get a good eight hours of sleep at night. I mean you wander the earth and you're pissed because you're not really alive or dead and your faces looks like shit because skin is coming off of them and you have facial hair, but it's really patchy.

So you haunt people in the caverns beneath Dwimorberg and the valley of Harrowdale for thousands of years, until Aragorn comes to ask you to finally grow a pair and fight Sauron. Again. It's at this time, now that you're dead and can't really be killed by anything mortal leaving you with nothing to loose so really it's all upside at this point because if you agree you will be released from your shitty curse and can finally get a good night's rest, that you agree to fight along the good guys and defeat Sauron.

Well, if you weren't dead already and pretty frickin' scary looking, and if I didn't think you might come after me in a really nasty nightmare, I would call you all a bunch of ghost pussies and then run away really fast.

Top 5 Tuesdays (T5T) Dreads The Tax Man

It's a week after the fact, but tax day still lingers like a cold mist. So this Tuesday, give me your Top 5 movies involving taxes, accountants, bookkeepers, the I.R.S or anything else of the like.

1. The Untouchables How else can you bring Al Capone down? Certainly not for organized crime.

2. Stranger Than Fiction Harold Crick as the unlucky in love I.R.S. Agent with a special shout out to my friends TJ Jagodowski and Peter Grosz as his co-workers.

3. The Royal Tenenbaums Henry Sherman, that old grizzly bear.

4. Dave The always lovable Charles Grodin as Murray Blum, the simple accountant who straightens out the Whitehouse - at least financially.

5. The Blues Brothers Jake and Elwood are on a mission from God to help save the Catholic school that owes $5000 in taxes.

Some Damn Fine Storytelling

And not a single word.














































And the money shot.

How Does Gondry See You?

Michel Gondry is quite the visionary (Be Kind Rewind excluded, of course). His website is no exception. And here's the bonus. For only $19.95, Gondry will draw your portrait from a photo you send him. I'm hoping it's a little more flattering than the illustration above.

Top 5 Tuesdays (T5T) Goes Arrrrrrrgggghhh

How cool is it that pirates still exist? Do they look like Johnny Depp? Do they really have eye-patches? And hooks for hands? How about maps? Do they have maps with a big "X" on them? And parrots. What about them? Is there a Captain Hook? Oh, so many questions.

This Tuesday, let's celebrate pirates. Give me your top 5 movies involving pirates of some kind. Here are mine in no particular order.

1. Ice Pirates

2. Pirates of the Caribbean

3. Goonies

4. Yellowbeard

5. Cabin Boy

Pretty. Kinda. Sorta.

It's standard to use space within a blog such as this to celebrate beautiful women in Hollywood. But what about the kinda beautiful women? The not really beautiful, but I would never say they're ugly kind of women? Why not celebrate them? Why not? I can't think of a good reason not to, so let's do it. And let's use the lyrics from a Flight Of The Conchords song.

Looking at the room, I can tell that you.
Are the most beautiful girl in the...room.
In the whole wide room.

And when you're on the street, depending on the street.
I bet you are definitely in the top three.

You're so beautiful.
You could be a waitress.

You're so beautiful.
You could be a air hostess in the 60s.

You're so beautiful.
You could be a part-time model.

Cause you're so beautiful...
Like a tree.

Or a high class prostitute.

You're so beautiful.
You could be a part time model.
But you'd probably still have to keep your normal job.

Marley & Me & Why You Can't Truly Make An Accurate Dog Movie

I've had dogs most of my life. I had an Irish Setter named Corky, I had a Cocker Spaniel named Morky (guess what sitcom was popular during that time?) and I had a Chow named Saki. I now have a lab named Zeus Snowball. He has two separate names because both my children wanted to name him. He is a white lab, only I'm told by "dog people" that there's really no such thing as a white lab, they're known as golden labs. Well, la-dee-da. I put "dog people" in quotes because I am not a "dog person." A "dog person" cannot tell the difference between an animal and a person. A "dog person" refers to their dogs as children. A "dog person" spends time with their dogs and other "dog people" at doggie play dates. I am not one of those people. I like my dog. I would say he's a "gooooo boy." I have no idea why I drop the "d" when I say that, but I do. But my dog is just that... a dog. He is not a person. If I go away on a vacation, I wouldn't say I would miss him. I'm always glad to see him, but you would never hear me say "enough with this beautiful weather and white sand, get me back home to my dog." I do not have a wallet full of pictures of my dog. And if I did, and I showed a picture of my dog to you, I would not try to explain what my dog was thinking at that moment.

Okay, I think I've established that I'm not a "dog person."

All that said, I don't shy away from dog movies. I liked that one with Frankie Munitz and the dog. I grew up with Benji. And I love Snoopy. So I wouldn't say that I was adverse to Marley & Me. I was actually kind of surprised that I enjoyed it a bit. But it suffers from what most dog movies suffer from. And that is a lack of reality.

The movie is filled with much Marley hi jinx. Marley shits in the ocean. He eats things he shouldn't. He destroys furniture. He jumps out the window of the car. All of this is treated like a bad sitcom mostly due to the lack of any real anger towards the dog. After each mishap, I kept on expecting the frame to freeze and type to appear that read "That's our Marley" followed with canned laughter and applause.

There is a scene where John and Jennifer Grogan (Owen Wilson and Jennifer Anniston) walk in on Marley tearing up the couch (I think for the second time) and their reaction is nothing. No yelling. No shoo-ing. No putting the dog in a small box for a couple of weeks. Nothing. What happened to rolling up a newspaper and swatting the dog on the nose? Well it's obvious that you can't make a kid's movie that involves grown-ups beating the shit out of the dog. But then again, you can't make a real one either. Tell me you wouldn't put your foot up the ass of your dog if he ate your furniture over and over again. Or at least do some yelling. Or some foot stomping. Maybe you wouldn't. And maybe that explains why I'm not a "dog person. "

Tough Love With Major Rawls

I'm not really a TV watcher in the true sense of the word. I only like the shows after they've run their course. I get extreme pleasure in knowing I have control over how many episodes I watch. And if I'm in to a show, I want to know I can watch a handful at a time. The waiting game, in my eyes, is dumb. I will not succumb to the whims of a network having control over when I watch my shows. Not this guy.

My current obsession is The Wire. After years of people telling me that it's "brilliant" and a "must see" I started watching it and damn if it isn't deserving of the praise. It's hard to imagine that a police drama can continue to seem fresh, but this one does - mostly because of a strong and succinct storyline. Of course it helps that this plays on HBO and cops can really act like, you know, cops. They're rough and raw and mean and drunk and all the things you need for good police drama. Best of all, they drop F-Bombs like they were pennies in a bucket. And no one does this better than Major William A. Rawls as played by John Dorman.

Here's a great bit of monologue that I just caught from an episode titled "The Hunt" from the first season. A cop has just been shot and the main character, Jimmy McNulty is feeling like it's his fault. Major Rawls consoles him as best as he knows how. And that is to tear him one gigantic asshole.

Rawls: Listen to me, you fuck! You did a lot of shit here. You played a lot of fucking cards, and you made a lot of fucking people do a lot of fucking things they didn't wanna do. This is true; we both know this is true. You, McNulty, are a gaping asshole. We both know this. Fuck if everybody in CID doesn't know it! But fuck if I'm gonna stand here and say you did a single fucking thing to get a police shot! You did not do this, you fucking hear me? This is not on you. No, it isn't, asshole! Believe it or not, everything isn't about you! And the motherfucker saying this, he hates your guts, McNulty! So you know if it WAS on you, I'd be the son of a bitch to say so! Shit went bad - she took two for company. That's the only lesson here.

I can only imagine that Rawls then left this scene to go and do simultaneous shots of broken glass and chase them with live scorpions. This man is one tough sumbitch. God help his kids if they ever come to him with a problem.

Kid: "Daddy, Daddy, I think I've broken my leg."

Rawls: "Listen to me, you little Fuck! You think you need that leg? Fuck you. You don't need that leg. You know it and I know it. Truth to tell, I never liked that fucking leg anyway. Here's what we're going to do and fucking listen up because this if fucking important. I'm going to pull that leg from your body and throw it in the fucking trash. Stop crying and listen to me! Then I want you to take this rusty shopping cart I found in a back alley and I want you to attach your stump to it. You might get an infection, but I don't give a fuck. At least you'll still be able to go and get a beer when I ask you to. Getting around for your old man is important. That's the lesson here."

I don't know about you, but I'm getting pretty choked up.

Deep Soul Throating Part 4

It seems that Sam Raimi is getting back to his old ways, and frankly I couldn't be happier. Not that I didn't love the big budget spectacle that was Spider-Man 2, but I don't find myself craving it like I do Evil Dead.

First, there's the upcoming release of Drag Me To Hell. And then this little bit of sweet, sweet news from an Empire interview with Raimi where he says he has begun a script with his brother for Evil Dead 4. It doesn't seem that he's in any kind of rush, but it's out there and he's thinking about it and that's good enough for me. I just wonder if Bruce Campbell's body can take another sequel.