Thursday, February 5, 2009

A Rant About The Rant




Christian was right. He's a serious actor. He's an artist. He has a passion for his craft. And with a big cup of passion, there are going to be some lumps. I'm sure Christian was probably face to face with one of those big Terminators, not one of those small sumbitches, but one of those big T-Whatever Big Number They Put Behind The Letter "T" ones and he was saying something really important and dramatic like "you've been terminated" or "it ends tonight" and then this F@#$ walks onto the F$%#ing set and totally messes with this scene. This deep, emotional scene involving robots and futuristic space crafts and laser guns, directed by none other than that motherf$#@ing visionary McG. You know, the guy who did Charlie's Angels? Wait, of course you know that. Who the F$%# am I talking to? You're a lover of cinema, so of course you know McG. F#@$! I mean who the F$%# is this F#$@ing Director of Photography? I bet he's a nobody. I bet he's never worked on something important like Charlie's Angels before. Does he know who the F#$@ Christian Bale is? He's the motherf$%#ing Dark Knight. He fought the Scarecrow. And F$%#ing won. He dropped a bunch of weight and looked like a skeleton for that one movie and was scary as F$%#. He doesn't need to take F%$#ing shit from anyone. He does F%$#ing art, not that F$%#ing paint by numbers bullshit because that kind of paint by numbers bullshit doesn't get directed by motherf#@$ing McG. If I see that F@$#ing Director of Photography it's over. It's F$#*ing over!

11 comments:

brian said...

F*#%ing great post!

Burbanked said...

Sorry, Piper, and I don't mean to be a F$#*ing F$#*, but I think the line he was probably struggling with at the time was "it F$#*ing ends tonight you F$#*. And F$#*."

But maybe they shot it a few different ways. That would be the proF$#*ingfessional thing to do.

PIPER said...

Burbanked,

You've probably experienced this in your time, but I've worked with several DPs on production and I've found them to probably be the least intrusive people on the set. The go in, do their thing and then take their place on the camera.

So I guess it is kind of strange that he would be checking a light while their shooting. Okay, now I'm F$#%ing pissed again. The motherf#$@ing asshole. What the F$%^ is he doing in front of the camera. He's some F$#%ing actor wannabe trying to get his F#$@ing moment to shine. F#$@ him!

chris said...

There's a great remix of this already.

Bob Turnbull said...

Just wanted to translate chris' remarks. I think he meant to say:

There's a F*%&ing great remix of this F%!@&ing already. F&*%$!

Megan said...

F@*!&ing hilarious, P.

PIPER said...

Bob,

Thanks. I was wondering what the F$#% Chris was trying to say.

Thanks for clearing it up for me. F$#%!

Fox said...

I like when Bale asks McG if he saw the incident.

"Yo, Mack-Gee... did you see that?"

Now I kinda believe Bale's mom and sister when they alleged that he beat them up a bit. What a wacko!

Chris @ watch tv online said...

Nice post. I couldn't have put it better myself. He's the effing dark knight! hahaha. I couldn't believe how long Bale went on tormenting that dude and I can't believe the guy just didn't walk away but kept trying to get words in.

elgringo said...

I could be wrong...but I think it's spelled "Fuck."

PIPER said...

elgringo,

You get your fucking potty mouth out of here right now!

This is a respectable blog.