It's Mustache May at my workplace, so I've decided to sport one in honor of it.
In my 38 years on this planet, I've never grown a mustache. I've had countless beards, a few burly sideburns and some chin-growth, but never a mustache. Why? Because it takes guts to grow a mustache. Because a mustache can't be dismissed. Because a mustache says something. What it says is up for debate. But as these little whiskers have come to be on my upper lip I've noticed a lot of change. And it's all due to the 'stache.
My mustache makes me coffee every morning while I am sleeping.
My mustache filters the air to my nose and makes it lemony fresh.
My mustache is self-cleaning.
I've put my mustache in charge of my finances and now I'm debt free!
My mustache holds back a little bit of every meal and is making a special dish to be revealed later.
My mustache just got on Twitter and already has thousands of followers.
My mustache has started its own religion and Tom Cruise has already quit Scientology to join it.
Little children scurry to open my car door. Not for me, but for my mustache.
I can now communicate perfectly with walruses.
In France, my mustache goes by the name of ALDRIC and is well-known in all the fancy little coffee-houses.
And finally, my mustache wrote this post while eating a footlong meat-lovers sandwich with extra peppers and didn't spill a thing on the keyboard.
So in honor of my mustache and all the mustaches out there, give me your Top 5 movie mustaches. Here are mine in no particular order.
2. "The Worm" on Willem Dafoe as Bobby Peru in Wild At Heart
3. "The Shit-Stain" on Kevin Heffernan as Farva in Super Troopers
4. "The Grand Performer" on Daniel Day Lewis as Bill "The Butcher" Cutting in Gangs of New York
5. "Ye Olde Sage" on Wilford Brimley starring as someone in any movie he's ever been in