Tuesday, May 19, 2009

Top 5 Tuesdays (T5T) Is Beholden To the 'Stache

It's Mustache May at my workplace, so I've decided to sport one in honor of it.

In my 38 years on this planet, I've never grown a mustache. I've had countless beards, a few burly sideburns and some chin-growth, but never a mustache. Why? Because it takes guts to grow a mustache. Because a mustache can't be dismissed. Because a mustache says something. What it says is up for debate. But as these little whiskers have come to be on my upper lip I've noticed a lot of change. And it's all due to the 'stache.

For example:

My mustache makes me coffee every morning while I am sleeping.

My mustache filters the air to my nose and makes it lemony fresh.

My mustache is self-cleaning.

I've put my mustache in charge of my finances and now I'm debt free!

My mustache holds back a little bit of every meal and is making a special dish to be revealed later.

My mustache just got on Twitter and already has thousands of followers.

My mustache has started its own religion and Tom Cruise has already quit Scientology to join it.

Little children scurry to open my car door. Not for me, but for my mustache.

I can now communicate perfectly with walruses.

In France, my mustache goes by the name of ALDRIC and is well-known in all the fancy little coffee-houses.

And finally, my mustache wrote this post while eating a footlong meat-lovers sandwich with extra peppers and didn't spill a thing on the keyboard.

So in honor of my mustache and all the mustaches out there, give me your Top 5 movie mustaches. Here are mine in no particular order.

1. "The Saddle" on Burt Reynolds as the Bandit in Smokey and the Bandit

2. "The Worm" on Willem Dafoe as Bobby Peru in Wild At Heart

3. "The Shit-Stain" on Kevin Heffernan as Farva in Super Troopers

4. "The Grand Performer" on Daniel Day Lewis as Bill "The Butcher" Cutting in Gangs of New York

5. "Ye Olde Sage" on Wilford Brimley starring as someone in any movie he's ever been in


Greg said...

I saw a picture of you once on some advertising forum or site or this or that and I could've sworn you had a beard and moustache. You didn't? Or do you mean you've never had a moustache by itself? Cause that does take guts. But uh... you uh, carry it off really well. No really, you do.

[slowly backs away from blog]

PIPER said...

Yes, I have had a full beard (stache and all) before. Several times as a matter of fact. But never a mustache by itself.

I think you are having the same reaction to my stache that my wife is having. She is Xing out the days on the calendar until the end of May as we speak.

Garrett said...

1. Tom Selleck- 3 men and a baby
2. Tom Skerritt- Any movie (but mainly Top Gun)
3. Wesley Snipes- Also any movie (but mainly Drop Zone)
4. Barry Pepper- The Dale Earnhardt Story
5. Will Ferrel- Ron Burgundy

Tommy Salami said...

My favorite is the "Dirtbag" or Fu Manchu, which I've sported before. I wish I was making this up, but people treat you differently when you've got one of those. They just sort of assume you're an asshole and get out of your way. I loved it.

My favorite mustaches?

5. Samuel L. Jackson in Shaft. What the hell is it? He's got lightning bolts on his chin. It's amazing. I call it Black Vulcan.
4. Chris Imperioli in "Life on Mars" The ultimate '70s douchebag 'stache. He rocked it.
3. Sam Elliot. Good example is the Cowboy in Big Lebowski. The mop. A mighty mustache.
2. Errol Flynn. This is a common variant of The Worm, where it seems to come out of the nostrils. Timothy Dalton put this to good use.
1. Kevin Kline's take on the saddle in A Fish Called Wanda. It's amazing how it transforms him from the friendly face he used in Dave, to one of the greatest aaaaasshooooles! in cinema.

Megan said...

Peter Ustinov as Poirot

McConaughey in Dazed & Confused

Clooney in Burn After Reading

Shirley MacLaine in Steel Magnolias - remember when she's getting her stache waxed?

Must stop now, because I never actually do 5...

PIPER said...


Sam Elliot always rocks a good stache.

And you're right, people feel differently about you. It's courage on your upper lip.


Good call on Shirley McClaine. I was waiting for a female.

elgringo said...

I *heart* the Ye Olde Sage.