Evil Clown Wants You To Know Something

He wants you to know that even though you've got that mole on your face that's got that hair coming out of it. Even though you walk with a limp and have that hump on your back. And even though that's a really bad stitch job they did with that brain transplant. You're still all very special people in my eyes.

Oh yeah, he also want you to know that there's an Italian Horror Blog-a-Thon going on right now over at Hugo Stiglitz Makes Movies.

Pretty Sneaky, Paramount

Evil Clown is rarely the fool.

Evil Clown is usually the pessimist rather than the sap.

There's an old commercial that Evil Clown remembers from his earlier days. It was a commercial for the game Connect 4. Remember that game? It's certainly not one that's good enough to gather dust in the closet along with Monopoly and Stratego, but Evil Clown owned it when he was a kid.



The commercial involves a brother and a sister, playing the game. The younger brother explains the game to her. You slide little checker type pieces in the board and when you place four alongside each other, you win. The younger brother wins the first game and is feeling all cocky and shit, but then the sister gets smart and beats the brother for the second game. Only he doesn't see it. But it's right there you little shit. It's right there in front of your damn eyes! She has put together four checkers diagonally, you dumbass. Read the damn directions! Anyway, the brother ends the commercial with the line "pretty sneaky, sis."



I thought of this commercial during my recent interaction with the movie Paranormal Activity. It all started out simple enough. Mrs. Evil Clown is perusing the information super highway when she comes across this trailer for Paranormal Activity. She watches it and then says that I need to watch it. Now I must note that this little scenario thus far is a little curious. How Mrs. Evil Clown came across this trailer is still a mystery to me. She is not a horror fan in the least. IN THE LEAST. So how she found it and then why she watched it is a bit of a head-scratcher. So anyway, I watch it and it seems kind of creepy. But more than that, it feels like they layed down the gauntlet. Like they're daring me to watch it, by showing all the crowd reactions. Of course, now I must see it. Maybe I get scared, but maybe I say all of this is just a bunch of hogwash. So I look to see when it's coming to my town and I see this bit that says I must vote for it to come to my town. Vote? I'm part of a movement to help a little horror movie get a nationwide release? Helllz yeah, I'll vote. I'll vote five or six times. Better yet, I'll forward this information on and tell my friends to vote. And so I do all this and now I'm getting updates of where my town is with everyone else. And so I vote some more and I send more e-mails out for others to vote. And then I get it. The e-mail that says that it's coming to my town. And I feel vindicated. And there's joy in my heart. Then I talk to a friend who says that it's not really a little horror movie at all. It's a Paramount movie (yes, I realize that the Paramount logo appeared at the beginning of the movie trailer). And this voting for a nationwide release is just a well thought-out marketing campaign that maybe, just maybe, involved my wife. Son of a bitch! I've been duped by a marketing campaign. And worse yet, I'm in marketing.

Well played, Paramount. Now this better be a good movie, or I'm coming after you and I'm bringing my poisonous Cotton Candy with me.

Zombies Are Forever

Evil Clown here.

Yeah, yeah, I know I'm late. Here were are a few days into October and where have I been? Truth to tell, I won a trip to Aruba on Wheel of Fortune and I was there, on vacation, sipping on Bloody Mary's (course) and letting my pasty white diseased skin take in some rays. But I was summoned back by someone and, well you know me, I don't like to name names. Okay, it was fucking Greg at Cinema Styles. And if you didn't know already, he's have quite the time over at his blog this month so you should check it out.

So here I am. And Lord knows this shitty film blog could use some of my help.

So let's talk Zombies.

A lot of people ask Evil Clown "Evil Clown, why do you like zombies so much?" And I usually respond with my stock "Fuck you, I will eat your soul."

But it's true, I love zombies. Because really, is there anything scarier, or more funny than a zombie? On one hand, you've got the fact that they represent an out of control virus that turns you into a scary-looking, rabid animal that doesn't have the good nature to make sure you're dead first before it feasts on your innards. And then on the other hand, you've got the fact that zombies are probably the lowest monster on the food chain. They are the cockroach of monsters for the simple fact that there are so damn many of them. You kill one and there are million to fill its place. So it's kind of hard to take them that seriously because there is no value in any one zombie.


Evil Clown has been hearing a few things lately regarding zombies and frankly he's been a little disturbed by what he's heard. There are some that say that maybe zombies have run their course. That with all the movies and books and graphic novels and video games that there's a zombie overload. And I'm here to say that like a cockroach, these bastards are here to stay. You can write and say what you want, and be done with zombies all you want, but these rotted undead corpses are forever. Why? Because zombies are the equivalent of loosening the belt a little and letting our collective hair down. Zombies are a great big golden ticket to going a little crazy. Past zombie movies have touched on this idea, but none have to the extent of the recent Zombieland. The main character Columbus (Jesse Eisenberg) attempts to justify his survival by following a set of strict rules he has given himself. But in doing so, he further hits home the fact that when zombies are on the loose, the normal rules do not apply. In fact, no rules apply. There's a great scene where the characters are perusing a road-side shop. They are being careful not to touch anything because proper etiquette tells them not to. A single piece is broken accidentally. Then another one deliberately. And then complete mayhem follows with store being completely demolished. It was fun as hell to watch and for some reason it felt like new territory.

The zombie Apocalypse is hell, but that's really looking at things from the glass half empty point of view, isn't it.? The upside is, with the zombie Apocalypse there are no stupid rules to follow. No pillows to fluff. No dress codes. No lines. No facebook. No stupid movie blogs. That's a very liberating realization. And that my friends is why zombies will be forever. Ever. Ever. Ever. Ever (I'm attempting some kind of echo effect here if you didn't notice).