Monday, August 25, 2008

I Want Morgan Freeman To Deliver My Eulogy

Narration is a tad overrated. And quite lazy at times when it comes to telling a story. But listening to Morgan's voice just makes you want to write a movie with nothing but narration. His voice is like crispy bacon in a pan. A little sizzle and just the right amount of snaps.

In truth, Freeman is like crack cocaine to bad storytellers. When in doubt, have Morgan narrate because he makes everything sound so dramatic. I can only imagine him reading my final words.

Piper, husband to Laura and father of two. Piper was a good man. A nice man. One might say that Piper loved life. And food. A lot of food. And probably too much beer. And boy could Piper sweat. The guy would walk a flight of stairs and one might think he just walked out of the shower. And he was not a quite man. Most could hear him a few blocks away. But he loved to laugh. Inappropriately at things. But he was a good man. A nice man.

Man, just reading the words there I sound like a huge loser. But thinking about Morgan Freeman reading them, I'm suddenly a superhero.

I'm reminded again of how good Freeman is with a recent batch of Visa commercials for the Olympics. I wasn't a very good Olympics watcher, but I did catch a lot of these commercials. And they were wonderful. Each 30 seconds as jam packed with drama and emotion as any Olympics I've ever watched. This is due to wonderful writing and of course the most wonderful voice narrating today. Mr. Morgan Freeman.


Fletch said...

The big question is - will Freeman have the foresight to pre-record his own eulogy?

What on earth would be better than that? I'd pay $50 to attend his funeral if only to hear narrate it.

Fox said...

Piper... you're kinda scaring me man. Talk of an eulogy, drifting in and out of blogs... are you ok? You're not planning on leaving us anytime so are you?

Greg said...

Man, just reading the words there I sound like a huge loser. But thinking about Morgan Freeman reading them, I'm suddenly a superhero.

Piper, the man's a good narrator, he's not a miracle worker. But it's nice to know we have some things in common. I'm a world class sweater and if you dare, I will gladly challenge you to a sweat-off. First man to completely soak his tee-shirt wins (that includes sleeves, cuffs, everything).

Burbanked said...

WOW. I was beginning to think I'd NEVER update my "From the brains of other bloggers..." box. Thanks, Piper!

And I'll take on you and Lapper and anyone else who wants to put their pore-weeping bodies where their mouths are. I'll soak every brittle dry one of youse, I will!

What an extraordinarily odd thing to be proud of.

PIPER said...


The guy better lay down that track right now, just in case.


The post was not meant to be dark. But it's funny, I write this stuff sometimes and then I wonder if I should have. It lends itself nicely to a "and as a bit of strange coincidence, Pat Piper wrote a Eulogy post on his blog just a week before his fatal whatever."

Nah, I'm all good. Just busy as a mother shut your mouth.

Lapper and Burbanked, I'll sweat your shit out any day of the week. You name the time and the place. I'm sweating now, just thinking about sweating.

You've seen Albert Brooks in Broadcast News right? The test screening, right? I carry a battery powered blow dryer with me everywhere. EVERYWHERE.

Fox said...

"What an extraordinarily odd thing to be proud of."

Indeed, Burbanked! I was just thinking how bizarre that thumping of the chest was for such an odd thing as sweat gland proficiency.

The competition could be done though: each one of you - dressed in long sleeves - sit in a air condition-less room with the trailer for The Duchess playing on a loop, and whoever reaches the bottom of the cuffs first wins!

Burbanked said...

@Fox: I suppose I've reached the point where I'd simply embrace my own strengths, rather than dream of others unattainable.

Anonymous said...

He made THE ELECTRIC COMPANY the most dramatic children's education show of all time.

Anonymous said...

I work with Piper. I've seen the glands spray. He speaks the truth about his sweaty body.

It's the world's 8th wonder.

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