Friday, May 8, 2009

Get Your Vulcan Kink On

I've been doing a lot of confessing lately. Well, here's another one. I've never seen a complete episode of Star Trek. Yep, it's true. I've seen most of the movies, but not one single TV episode. I'm living proof that you can live without having seen a single Star Trek episode. And it's not by weird happenstance. Nope. I avoided that show. If it was on, I changed the channel. Instead I think I watched Lavern & Shirley reruns and had one hell of a time doing it.

And because I missed all the episodes, I must have missed the part (or parts) dedicated to Spock and Uhura getting illogical between the sheets. Is this old news or is this from the mind of J.J. Abrams?

One can only imagine how this came to be. I mean, surely Uhura made the first move. Or maybe not. Maybe Spock laid down a couple of these lines along with some sweet Romulan Ale.

"Once you get to know me, you're going to want to Klingon to me for the rest of your life."

"There is an old Vulcan proverb that states: I wanna bag you like some groceries."

"Did a photon torpedo hit the bridge or did you just rock my world?"

"Are you Cytherian? Because you just abducted my heart."

"I think it's only logical that I slip my wiener into you."

"Baby, I'm going to take you to a place you can't beam back from."

"I may be Vulcan, but I'm hung like a Gallamite."

"Let me check your settings because somebody set your body to stun."


Chuck W said...

Don't feel bad--I've only seen six episodes, and all of those were viewed during the past two weeks in preparations for the new movie. And that's it. I might check out the unofficial film "trilogy" (2-4), but I doubt I'll ever attain any sort of mastery of the Star Trek universe.

So don't worry. You're not alone.

TALKING MOVIEzzz said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
PIPER said...

Chuck and Moviezzz,

All these comments on whether or not I've seen the show and none of them about the sweet, sweet pick up lines.

Emily Blake said...

Uhura and Kirk actually shared the first mixed-race onscreen TV kiss once, but to my knowledge she and Spock never got it on. And I've got a lot of knowledge. My ex was a huge Star Trek fan so I've seen every episode of all the shows except Voyager. DS9 and TNG were particularly good shows.

PIPER said...

DS9 and TNG? WTF?

Jason Bellamy said...

"My eyebrow isn't the only thing that's raised at the moment."

"Half human, half Vulcan, all beefcake."

"If I can read your mind by putting my fingers on your face, just imagine what I can do with a hand in your pants."

PIPER said...


Emily Blake said...

What do you mean, WTF? You said yourself you've never seen an episode. You can't WTF something you've never seen, dude.

So I say to you, sir, WTF right back.

PIPER said...


WTF? Meaning WTF does any of that mean?

So WTF back to ya.

PIPER said...

Oh wait. Deep Space 9 and The Next Generation? Is that right?

Emily Blake said...

Yes that is right. I guess it makes sense that that would confuse you if you don't really watch any of the shows.

PIPER said...


You're putting all this on your ex, but I think you're the Trekkie.

Come on, admit it.

Tony Dayoub said...

Actually, if you watch Star Trek carefully, and I have because I'm a huge fuckin' nerd, there is nothing to say that a relationship between Spock and Uhura couldn't have happened earlier.

In fact, there are strong indications that this was a strong possibility when looked at from this new movie's perspective. A conversation between Uhura and Spock on the bridge in "The Man Trap" definitely has a flirtatious tinge to it, at least on Uhura's part. Uhura also seems to be flirting with Spock when she sings in the rec room while he plays his Vulcan harp in "Charlie X."

One could even read it like he broke up with her, and she still hadn't gotten over him.

PIPER said...

Damn Tony,

That's die-hard knowledge there.

So in effect what J.J. Abrams did was to take sliver of something and run with it.

Tony Dayoub said...

You got it... which actually made me like the movie more, because it showed that these guys did their homework.

Rick Olson said...

You might be able to LIVE without having seen a Star Trek episode all the way through, but doesn't your life lack that certain ... something? Don't all the colors look somehow ... gray? Why am I using so many ellipses, anyway?

PIPER said...


Stop using ellipses! It's like you're hinting at something bigger that you're going to write. You have me at the edge of my seat!

Emily Blake said...

No! No I am not a nerd! Never! Somebody put that fake Star Trek communicator on my bookshelf! It's not mine, it was totally planted.*

*I do not actually own one of these. I do own two lightsabers and a licensed Jedi robe.