Thursday, April 5, 2007

Zombie No More

I can't take it anymore.

The idea that I live in a world where Rob Zombie could be considered a legitimate director makes me want to jump out a window. Coming this Friday, Grindhouse will be be released and and it will billboard some great directors: Robert Rodriguez, Quentin Tarantino, Edgar Wright. Directors who are shaping modern cinema today. And coming this Friday, Rob Zombie will be mentioned among them. The guy who made The Devil's Rejects, a moronic attempt at something not even close to a movie. And now, the trailer of Werewolf Women of the SS, the lowest point of an otherwise great concept of a movie. And based on this evidence, I'm sure he is now in the middle of completely botching a Halloween remake, killing what is one of the best horror movies ever made.

So here's what I ask. Label him something else. Anything but a director or a filmmaker. And if you're drawing a blank, here are some suggestions:

lead singer of White Zombie
donut lover
breather of air
man with hot wife
bad hair man
the guy who performed "more human than human"
person with all limbs
guy who doesn't hate birds
purveyor of nice nose hairs
bike rider
a punk ass bitch
cowboy hat wearer
a descendant of monkeys
resident of Haverhill, Massachussettes
denim lover
human being

Just don't call him a director. It places him in a category among Martin Scorsese. Among Wes Anderson. Among Quentin Tarantino. John Frankenheimer. Jean Renoir. Francis Coppola. And hundreds of others that are so deserving. But not him. Not now. Not ever.


pacheco said...

The funny thing is, after this post, and Damian's recent bashing of Eli Roth, now I really want to see The Devil's Rejects and Cabin Fever. I think part of it is that I kind of want to like them both. I don't know why.

I guess we'll find out soon enough if I do end up enjoying either of them.

Piper said...

So what does that make you pacheco. Some kind of freak boy?

Nah. Go ahead and see them. Cabin Fever wasn't near as bad as The Devil's Rejects. And if Zombie would have stayed in the realm he was with House of 1000 Corpses and Rejects, then honestly I would be fine. Because the truth is, if you open it up to Zombie not being labeled a filmmaker, what about Brett Ratner and the sort? But since he's creeping into better company, I have taken it upon myself to declare that he's nothing more than a tourist. He's attending a party he was never invited to.

pacheco said...

Ah, but the way I see it is that if he's creeping into better company, maybe there IS something to him. If filmmakers I respect are hanging with these people or helping distribute their films (as I believe Tarantino did with Roth), then I'm interested.

But again, I'm saying all this without ever having seen anything by any of these guys (with the exception of Roth's Thanksgiving trailer).

BTW, that "freak boy" line was hilarious.

Piper said...

See the movies, but I assure you that the fact Zombie is creeping into better company is due to heavy drug use by Tarantino and Rodriguez. When they come down from their drug induced haze, they will realize their mistake.

Moviezzz said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
garrett said...

Cowboy Hat wearer

garrett said...

Guy that only sings in the same tone. Yeah, yeah.

Niklas said...

The Devil's Rejects is the best film of 2005.

Piper said...


Wow, I'm convinced.

Great argument.

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