Wednesday, December 5, 2007

The Godfather Christmas

The family and I recently went out and purchased a Christmas tree for the house. We have a regular place where we get the tree every year. It's nothing special, just a a few dozen trees in the lot of a bank. The Shriners run it, so we felt good about buying from them. Unfortunately, they were nowhere to be found this year so we had to venture out and find someplace new. We stumbled upon a more traditional Christmas tree vendor down the street. We walked through the trees and noticed that they were a tad expensive. I had never haggled about a Christmas tree before, but I thought I would give it a shot. And when I found out that the owner was Sicilian I could only imagine how the deal would go down.

Piper: Hello.

Sicilian Tree Vendor: Hello.

Piper: I would like to buy these two trees from you.

Sicilian Tree Vendor: Of course.

Piper: But I feel they're a bit on the... what's the word I'm looking for? They're a bit pricey.

Sicilian Tree Vendor: Uh huh.

Piper: Maybe we can make some sort of deal?

Sicilian Tree Vendor: Make me an offer and then we can talk (begins to walk away)

Piper: Sicilian Tree Vendor? You can have my answer now if you like. My final offer is this: nothing. Not even the fee for the gaming license, which I would appreciate if you would put up personally.

Sicilian Tree Vendor: What gaming license?

Piper: I think we're done here.

Unfortunately, that's not the way it went down. The Sicilian Tree Vendor fixed me with a cold stare and I snapped like a twig. I think I only got about 10 bucks knocked off our trees.


Adam Ross said...

Hilarious! Although it might have been more interesting if you had replied at the end with "Are you calling me a liar?"

PIPER said...

I tried to grab him on either side of his face and kiss him full on the lips but he just pushed me away.

Anonymous said...

Try this:

Piper (to kids): Kids, we don't need a tree to celebrate Christmas. Jesus didn't have a tree, and it's his fucking birthday.

Kids start crying.

Piper (to kids): Keep crying, and I'll give you something to cry about as a Christmas present.