Friday, May 16, 2008

Bags On Heads = Scary



The new trailer for The Strangers (due out May 30th) dug into the old scary bag and pulled out the tried and true white bag over the head trick. Probably had some potatoes in it, or some nice oranges. They dumped that crap on the ground, cut out eye holes, placed it over someone's head and voila... instant terror. My four year old daughter could place a white bag over her head and say "I love you Daddy" only for me to fall to the floor in a puddle of my own piss, stricken with horror - that's how scary it is.

Sure it's been done before, but when you've stumbled onto a guaranteed scare like this you gotta pass that shit around, right? You know what, I think I'm going to go into the patent office and trademark the white bag over head idea. Every time it's used, I rake in millions and millions of dollars, all the while in a cold sweat, laying in a pile of my own feces because I'm so damn scared (notice my bodily function obsession I seem to have today). I'm talking all white bags. And pillow cases. And white paper sacks as well. This is my formal declaration that I'm trademarking this stuff. I'll get it in right before The Strangers breaks and the piles of money will come flooding.


Friday The 13th Part 2 (1981) The trailblazer for me really. I'm sure there have been white bags on heads before, but this is the earliest I remember. It's a little crude, but give Jason a frickin' break, he drowned and now he's possessed by the devil. Do you really think he gives two shits what he looks like when he's splitting you down the middle with a machete?



Malevolence (2004) This movie is an homage to the horror movies of the 70's and 80's so it's no surprise they brought out the white bag on the head for this. There's nothing funny to say about this because the damn movie is so scary and if I said anything funny about it, the movie might get mad and come after me so I'm not saying shit.



Resident Evil 4 (2005) Watching a spooky dude with a bag on his head in a movie is scary. Watching that dude come at you with a chainsaw trying to cut off your head is really fucking scary.



The Orphanage (2007) This is more like a gunny sack and oh look it's got some make-up on it and rosy cheeks and isn't that cute. I mean, holy fucking shit run for your lives!!!!!



The Strangers (2008) That bag on that guy's head is tight. And by tight, I mean sweet. All form fitted and shit. The seams are showing, but that's stylish. You could stroll the town in that bag and maybe pick up a couple of ladies that have a fetish for bags on the heads and by the way, what kind of freaky ladies would be into that kind of shit and keep me the hell away from them please.

10 comments:

Moviezzz said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Garrett Sorrels said...

Good brekdown of Bag Faces...

Another one that comes to mind is the Scare Crow from Batman Begins, he was creepy too.

completely forgot about the Unknown Comic. That guy is scary as shit.

Piper said...

Garrett,

Thanks for the heads-up on this post. You are the wind beneath... ah you know what I'm talking about.

Shit, the scarecrow is a good one. Forgot about that.

Fox said...

And don't forget the movie this summer called... erm... *Baghead*!

It comes out in June, I think. It's like a weird indie-rom-com-horror romp or something.

And I agree with the bag being scary... masks in general, yes, but ESPECIALLY bags.

kindertrauma said...

Great list, all of these guys are scary.
"The elephant man" was sorta working that look too.

gil mann said...

C'mon, give it up for the originator, Charles B. Pierce's The Town that Dreaded Sundown.

It's bad enough the guy gets no love for inventing the horror faux-documentary, but I'll be DAMNED if I'll sit here quietly as his pioneering work in the field of headbags is spit upon.

Otherwise, this post is chock full of heady goodness.

Matt said...

Gotta second Fox's motion for Baghead. I just saw the preview for that today and it looked alternately funny and Blair-Witch scary. Keep in mind that I saw BW thinking it was real, so Blair-Witch scary is probably equivalent to your shivering-in-your-own-piss scary.

Piper said...

Fox and Matt,

I just watched the Baghead trailer. Not sure how to feel about it. Is it comdey or a horror movie? Or both. Not sure, but what I do know is that it had a guy with a bag on his head so of course I was on the floor laying in my own mess.

WaywardJam said...

Baghead all the way! I saw that trailer this past weekend and was excited. Folks in the theater were cracking up at the title, but in my heart I'm already in line for a ticket!

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