Wednesday, April 22, 2009

The Dead Men of Dunharrow

Oh, I see how it is, Dead Men of Dunharrow. You pledge allegiance to Isildur at the Stone of Erech, only to turn your back on him during his war against Sauron, because you guys may or may not have been "friends" back in the dark ages. Isildur curses you and that's not to say that he says you guys are a bunch of assholes. I mean, he really curses you. Like you guys became ghosts that couldn't rest until you fulfilled your oath. And when I say rest, I don't mean like get a good eight hours of sleep at night. I mean you wander the earth and you're pissed because you're not really alive or dead and your faces looks like shit because skin is coming off of them and you have facial hair, but it's really patchy.

So you haunt people in the caverns beneath Dwimorberg and the valley of Harrowdale for thousands of years, until Aragorn comes to ask you to finally grow a pair and fight Sauron. Again. It's at this time, now that you're dead and can't really be killed by anything mortal leaving you with nothing to loose so really it's all upside at this point because if you agree you will be released from your shitty curse and can finally get a good night's rest, that you agree to fight along the good guys and defeat Sauron.

Well, if you weren't dead already and pretty frickin' scary looking, and if I didn't think you might come after me in a really nasty nightmare, I would call you all a bunch of ghost pussies and then run away really fast.

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