Monday, February 8, 2010

Lazy Eye Apocalypse Preparation Day 8

So let's say you survive the Apocalypse. What then? I'll tell you what then, you start eating humans, that's what then. You go 110% cannibal. Seriously. Yeah, I'm sure you're saying "whatever Piper, I'm going to be able to eat animals and fish and bugs and shit and when I say shit, I really mean shit." Maybe. Maybe for the first couple of weeks or even a month that works and then you start to get lazy and you don't want to spend a couple of days hunting for squirrel and you notice that you're buddy is kind of bugging you because he's crying a lot and bitching about Avatar winning best picture and man, he won't shut up and yeah Cameron's an A-hole and he's really the reason for the Apocalypse but seriously dude, move on because we just need to look for some food, but he's still bitching and whining and Tim Burton this and Sandra Bullock that and before the Apocalypse, you didn't even really like this guy but now you guys are supposed to be friends - why - because of the Apocalypse - well, screw that I'm gonna kill this guy and eat his liver and his spleen and his guts because I hate that dude's guts so much I'm just gonna eat them.

See what happens? See how easy it is to go cannibal? So don't fight, just go with it. And prepare yourself for the inevitable with these movies.

Alive



Motel Hell



The Hills Have Eyes



The Cook, The Thief, His Wife and Her Lover



Day of the Dead

9 comments:

Ed Howard said...

You forgot Trouble Every Day. Yummy.

PIPER said...

Ed,

I'm not familiar with that title. I better brush up before it's too late.

Ed Howard said...

It's great. Cannibalism never looked so sexy. Prepare for the apocalypse in style!

Burbanked said...

Seems like this one didn't get (much of, if any) a theatrical release: That's right, it's THE DONNER PARTY movie with Crispin Glover! Because who WOULDN'T think of Marty McFly's Dad for an adventurer/pioneer/explorer who ends up eating people?

And didn't someone eat humans in the not-great-but-oh-well Ray Liotta actioner NO ESCAPE?

PIPER said...

Burbanked,

Never seen The Donner Party but Glover as a cannibal is so obvious it's either genius or the dumbest idea ever.

And No Escape is perfect. It will help me with my future posts. I forgot about that one.

發燙 said...

If you lend someone $20 and never see that person again, it was probably worth it.............................................

whitney said...

I love that by the 8th day you're already going Cannibal. That's sick, man!

Ravenous is another good one. All about the magic powers of eating man meat! (not to be confused with "manmeat" as in: "oh wow! James Franco is one hot hunk of manmeat.")

PIPER said...

Whitney,

Why put off the inevitable? Better to make sure everyone has that thought in the back of their brain and are ready to face the facts. We have to survive and the best way to survive is man-meat. Not the James Franco man-meat. Just literally man-meat. Okay, maybe that sounds really gay. Let's just say human flesh.

Jessica D said...

You forgot Cannibal the Musical, the greatest cannibal-themed musical ever.