Sunday, April 15, 2007

My Comedy Penis

You don't know this about me, but I have a comedy penis.

I'm not going to get in to where it's located or how big it is, just know that I have one. When I see something funny, it gets hard. And when I see something not funny, it gets limp.

For example, my comedy penis is fully erect through most of Blazing Saddles, Super Troopers and Anchor Man. And it is limp when I see movies like The Benchwarmers.

My comedy penis was confused today when I saw Blades Of Glory.

My comedy penis likes Will Ferrell very much. And when Will came on the screen, the blood started rushing and things started happening. But then like news of a double homicide, here came John Heder and my comedy boner went limp. My comedy penis tried to not think of John Heder and instead let Will Ferrell and Amy Poehler and Will Arnett get him all excited. But just when things were looking good again, John Heder would come in and whine and deliver some line annoyingly. After awhile I think my comedy penis went to sleep.

My comedy penis also talks to me. It says that John Heder should not do comedy anymore. Or I should skip any more John Heder movies if I ever want my comedy penis to work again.


Anonymous said...


Your comedy penis liked Super Troopers? Talk about "easy to please...."


PIPER said...


You doggin my comedy penis?

Super Troopers was great.

Don't make my comedy penis doubt itself.

Shauna said...

I think your comedy penis might enjoy the Will Arnett Research Project at

Charlie said...


You're kidding me right...I mean Super Troopers, Blazing Saddles and Anchorman? Those get your "Comedy Penis" hard? Blazing Saddles was great but didn't know when to stop, Super Troopers, well, just sucked and Anchorman, well, FUCKING SUCKED. Hell, while you're at it why don't you say 40 Year Old Virgin and Dude, where's my car got your penis hard.

The fact that you didn't mention Old School, Animal House, Blues Brothers or Caddyshack tells me your "comedy penis" is like a 15 year old who just jerked off for the first time and now thinks he's an expert at sex!

Please, stick to the reviewing of Grindhouse until your "Comedy Penis" has had more experience than Ron Jeremy.


PIPER said...


Put down the donuts and the red bull.

I used an example of a few movies.

Yes, Animal House, Blues Brothers and Caddyshack are all great comedies. I don't think I'm breaking new ground to say that.

Old School does not deserve to be among those movies.

I bet you loved Dodgeball, too. Right?

My Comedy Penis is being put on trial and the only point I wanted to make was that John Heder sucks ass.

And am I the only one who likes Super Troopers? Don't answer that Elijah.

Charlie said...


I’m not jacked on Red Bull and doughnuts; rather I’m jacked on the lunacy of your post. I find myself going down a road of respecting your insight, your dissenting view and I find myself respecting your thoughts. THEN you come back with the idiocy of using movies such as you did and only when I bring up true comedy “wood” do you say, “Oh yea, those are good also!”

As for Old School, it is perhaps one of Ferrell’s best. Still not in the category of Blues Brothers et al, but pretty damn good.

Piper, you’re good, but please, stick to what you know best. Obviously comedy isn’t that!


p.s. and YES, you are the only one who liked Super Troopers.

PIPER said...


It seems that there is nothing you are not expert in.

Oh to live in your shadow.

It's kind of a waste of time to say that Animal House is a great comedy since that's pretty much a fact. Same with Caddyshack. I decided not to waste anyone's time.

I'm not trying to posture, just trying not to waste anyone's time with the obvious.

Poor Elijah, you think you've really stumbled on to something by rattling off a bunch of expected comedies.

I bet you like the Beatles too.

Charlie said...

Not sure what the Beatles have to do with movies, but yea, they are ok. I do not claim to know everything.

Thank you, however, for the compliments! Your mental jousts are fun. Who knows, with some training, you may become a worthy opponent.


garrett said...

I like Super Trooper, very much so. It took me two or three times to understand the genius.

PIPER said...


Thank You.


If you want to have a healthy debate, let's have it. But when you come out of the gate calling me a fucking idiot for stating my opinion, it doesn't make for a very good debate.

And for the record,

My comedy Penis loves

Animal House
Blues Brothers
High Fidelity
Young Frankenstein
And so on and so forth

Charlie said...


Alas, I expected more out of you. A healthy debate is all I ever want to have. I never called you and idiot; I called your logic idiot. Please do not twist my words. I respect you as a film critic, although I do not often agree. Yes, I think Carpenter has turned into a hack. Yes, I like Costner as a director, No I don’t like Fandango or the attempted message, but that doesn’t mean I have ever called you and idiot.

As for healthy debate, go back and read some of my posts to you. I have always believed you to be a worthy adversary. Perhaps I am mistaken!


PIPER said...

Costner as a director? Seriously?

I seem to disappoint you often. And yet you come back. Glad you do.

Costner as a director? Seriously?