Wednesday, January 14, 2009

9 Things That Will Haunt Me in 2009

Also known as the New Years Resolution Meme as tagged unto me by Adam at DVD Panache.

I love resolutions. They're empty promises. I'm like a politician walking through a room glad-handing every special interest I see. Lower cigarette taxes? You got it. More guns? Of course. No hydrogen cars until 2024? Done and done. I could do this all day.

Of course once you make the commitment that you're actually going to commit - that's when things get hairy. That's when it goes from crazy declarations like "I'm going to drop 100 lbs" to much tamer stuff like "I think I'll lay off sugar pop for a week."

All that being said, who knows if I'll commit to these or not. Check back at the end of the year and see. I'll probably lie, because how the hell will you know if I've done them or not?

First, here are the rules:

1. Post a list of nine movie-related resolutions for the new year. These can be as serious or light-hearted as you want them to be, and it also gives you a topic at the end of the year to post about when you take a look back at the resolutions.

2. Tag five other people with completing this meme.

3. Link back to my blog in your post so I can keep track of how many cool people are going along with this, and also for the purpose of compiling a list of the most interesting resolutions.

Okay, now on with the resolutions

1. Immerse myself in films of the 60's and 70's. I'm a little sparse in these areas. I'm a little sparse in a lot of areas, but this is where I'll start.

2. Watch Heaven's Gate. I've never seen it and yet I talk about wanting to see it a lot which causes people to say "shut the hell up and see it already."

3. Rewatch The Big Lebowski. I'm giving it one more chance and then if I don't like it, get off my back!

4. Show my collection a little love. There are about a dozen movies in my library that I have never seen. Stuff like Two-Lane Blacktop, Youth Of The Beast, The Ruling Class, Ran and Sympathy For Mr. Vengeance to name a few.

5. Begin to become an expert in a genre. Not something broad like Action or Science Fiction. But something more obscure like Japanese Horror. It's a lot cooler to be an expert in something only two people give a shit about.

6. Concentrate really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really hard on Rob Zombie discovering his love of whittling, causing him to forget directing altogether thus making sure that Halloween 2 never gets remade.

7. Host a movie night in my backyard where adults get drunk and try not to fall asleep on my lawn forcing me to bring out the hose.

8. Refer to modern movies as "talkies" from now on.

9. Singlehandedly get Sam Raimi's Crimewave on DVD or Blu-Ray. I'm coming for you Sam and I'm bringing treats.

And here are the people I'm tagging.

Marilyn at Ferdy on Films (course)

Chuck at Out 1

Alex at Film Forager

Dirtyrobot at Filmopia

Movieman0283 at The Dancing Image


Megan said...

I'm down with #7. In fact, I might add it to my list. Once I get a hold of a backyard. So look for it in about 2020 or thereabouts...

Fox said...

They're empty promises. I'm like a politician walking through a room glad-handing every special interest I see. Lower cigarette taxes? You got it. More guns? Of course. No hydrogen cars until 2024? Done and done. I could do this all day.

YEAH! No kidding! I'm still waiting for that Lazy Eye Theater T-SHIRT & BALL CAP set you promised me!

Megan said...

He jests, he jests, and whatever it is Hamlet said.

If there is such a T-shirt, does it come in the XXXSmall female sizes? Because I'll totally put it on my cat!

Bob Turnbull said...

I tagged you for this as well (since you raised SUCH a stink last time when I didn't tag you...), but I, uh, forgot to email anyone about the tags. I just figured that since you're checking my site soooo frequently you'd see it...B-)

Great list. Being a generalist, I'm sparse in just about every area...So I flitter back and forth between different genres and decades. I did a batch of musicals last year (thinking about doing some more), caught up with some older horror (Hammer, etc.) and I'm looking at starting some classic comedies soon (30s-40s). But 60s and 70s cinema is a great place to start...I'll be curious to see what you pick.

I've seen all 5 of those titles from your library. I love the last 4 of them. "Two-Lane Blacktop" just didn't work for me though...I know I'm missing something as many respected folks love it, but I just couldn't care for the characters, hated the acting and didn't see the point of it all. Which I suppose is my problem...

Oooh! Japanese Horror! Sign me up. I'm actually looking forward to The Grudge 3.

Mental Note: Bring raincoat to Piper's parties from now on.

Marilyn said...

Piper - Believe it or not, someone tagged me before you did. I honestly don't know if I'm going to do this one. But I like your resolutions very, very much.

Moviezzz said...

You know, you can knock off a few of those resolutions at once.

Have a big 70's night, show HEAVEN'S GATE and TWO LANE BLACKTOP in your backyard, give an introduction calling them "the talkies of the 1970's, which I am an expert on" and then hand out "special drinks" to invited guests Rob Zombie and Sam Raimi. Tell them they are getting a lifetime achievement award from the Lazy Eye Theatre to get them to show up.

When the two are under the influence of your drinks (aka Piper's Powerful Pina Colladas), have them sign contracts that Zombie won't direct and that Raimi will release CRIMEWAVE.

Then, at the end of the night, watch THE BIG LEBOWSKI to celebrate your accomplishments.

Jeremy Fuksa: Creative Generalist said...

I want in on #7 and I'm going to hold you to #8.

Ray said...

Number 6 is perfect. Fuck you, Rob Zombie!!!

PIPER said...

Fox and Megan,

How about a Lazy Eye Theatre jumpsuit? With a zip out crotch? I'm sitting on a hundred of those things. Not as big as I thought they would be.


Thanks for tagging me. I knew all it would take is a little bitching and whining. I'm looking forward to seeing those movies.


In the immortal words of Willie Nelson or even the Pet Shop Boys "You are always on my mind. You are always on my mind."


You may very well be the smartest man I know.


Fuck 'em. Fuck 'em good.

PIPER said...

And Bob,

I must have missed the post. I read you six or seven or eight or nine times a day.

Chuck Williamson said...

I've been doing #8 for years now, much to the chagrin of my endlessly patient girlfriend, who tolerates my silent film obsession with a certain degree of good humor. She even bought me the grease paint for my Charlie Chaplin Halloween costume. Aaaaaaw...

Great list, all around. I hope you're able to one day make #2 a reality, as HEAVEN'S GATE is easily one of the most muddled, entrancing, frustrating, and visually breathtaking films I've ever seen. I love it and hate it simultaneously. It also features an amazing rollerskating sequence that rivals the Olivia Newton-John's scene in XANADU (that's only half-sarcasm, by the way).

Now--off to my own list.

James Hansen said...

Nice list. I know someone who knows someone who has Crimewave. Maybe not a DVD, but perhaps thats close enough? I suppose thats not singlehandedly though, is it... Alas, what can ya do. I always say I'm going to do cinematic related things such as these and never do. Maybe you're list will inspire me to do so, even though I certainly have no intention of seeing HEAVEN'S GATE. I'll chime in with #8 though...lets start a revolution!

PIPER said...


I used to have it on VHS. I had taped it off HBO or something. It's a mess of a movie, but I love it. Especially Bruce Campbell.

MovieMan0283 said...

Good list, and thanks for letting me off the hook in a sense...I wanted to do another post before the week was out, but was kind of dreading too much heavy lifting; this should be fun.

Hope you finally see the light on the Dude.

Anonymous said...


Pipes, I'm with you on "The Big Lebowski". The Coen Borthers are my favorite but that movie, while bold, doesn't work for me. I found it cartoonish and not very funny.

I'll watch it with you. I'll give it another try.

If we don't like it, we'll set fire to the DVD and never talk of it again.

Shannon the Movie Moxie said...

Awesome! I love resolution lists. That's a lie. I hate resolutions, but I love lists! So , I ah.. half love your post!

Hosting a movie night sounds fun... if you do - take pictures! hehe

Have fun with the talkies!

PIPER said...


I'm taking pictures in a progression. People first coming in and being very formal. Then pictures when the drinks start flowing and people start getting all laughy and crazy. Then pictures of everyone watching the film, maybe a couple is making out. Then pictures of me bringing out the hose and getting rid of every last sumbitch.

Shannon the Movie Moxie said...