LAZY EYE THEATRE: It. Is. On.

Friday, March 28, 2008

It. Is. On.

VS.

Alright friends. It's time to fight. It's on between Hayley Stark from Hard Candy and O-Ren Ishii from Kill Bill Vol. 1. Read the narratives and vote for your favorite as long as your favorite is O-Ren.

14 comments:

Anonymous said...: Ahhh ... yet more KILL BILL ramblings from our dear Piper.

Nicely done, though :); March 28, 2008 at 9:25:00 AM PDT
PIPER said...: Yeah, I knew you would love it. I've gotten it out my system for a week or two now.; March 28, 2008 at 9:32:00 AM PDT
Fox said...: I just went and voted for O-Ren!

ONE... b/c your narrative is better, and TWO... b/c I HATE that Lil' Red Riding Hood from *Hard Candy*!; March 28, 2008 at 10:50:00 AM PDT
Anonymous said...: Oh no!! Please don't stop now!! There are still so many aspects of this fine and (ahem) original Tarantino production still yet to savor endlessly! Or at least for five minutes!

And if you don't want to deal with the original aspects of the films, hereafter referred to respectively as The Saga, then perhaps you could delve into all of the carefully-crafted homages to other, lesser-known films that Tarantino sprinkled throughout its less-than-butt-numbing running time! Sure, some call it "stealing" rather than "homage," but why quibble about such insignificant details??

Please, go on and on and on!!! KILL BILL is the greatest accomplishment in cinematic language and expression. Surely there is more to say!!!!; March 28, 2008 at 12:12:00 PM PDT
PIPER said...: Oh right. We should be talking about that monument called Titanic. That's a fantastic piece of I don't know what but whatever it is, it's stinky.

And don't tell me that's original.; March 28, 2008 at 12:16:00 PM PDT
Anonymous said...: I never said TITANIC was original or even great. I simply said it wasn't the soiled toilet paper Satan used to wipe his ass, which is how you characterized it.

And I certainly have never written about TITANIC more than three times in my life - let alone in the same week - as you have with this overrated pile of shit.

Checkmate.; March 28, 2008 at 12:55:00 PM PDT
PIPER said...: Not so fast Bobby Fisher.

You may not have written too much on The Rec about Titanic, but you certainly have come to its defense several times on my blog. As a matter of fact, every time I bag on it, you argue why it was worthy of winning all its Oscars. That's doing more than just saying it's not a turd. That's saying it's a great film.

Wait. Here are some quotes.

"However, TITANIC was a gigantic achievement. Sure, the romance was a little maudlin, and it was too long. But I definitely think the film works on many levels, only one of which was the romantic plot. It's hard to bitch about the romance in a film that reduced record numbers of audiences to tears - that shows the damn stuff WORKS."

and

"What I think you fail to acknolwedge about TITANIC is that the film gives resonance to an event that resounds through history; everyone is fascinated with the event, and the movie provides us with a visual representation of not only the event itself, but also the feeling we have about the event.

Sure, the romance is corny and melodramatic; I did not fall in love with Leo the way 200 billion teenaged girls did that year as they went through their first periods. However, the rest of the film vibrates with a creative energy and wistfulness."

I'm not saying Kill Bill is QTs best, but I like the film a lot. I'm not sure specifically what the film steals. I'm aware of the 5 Deadly Venoms references and the Bruce Lee jumpsuit, but what else? It's not a deep film and I'm not saying it is. Visually it's excellent and the action sequences are first rate and I love the characters.; March 28, 2008 at 2:05:00 PM PDT
Fox said...: I've always understood *Kill Bill* - and really Tarantino's cinema as a whole - to be a piecemeal montage of his favorite things from his favorite filmmakers.

Tarantino can rub me the wrong way, but what I like about him is that he never claims to be an "original". He seems, to me, to be very modest and gracious toward his heroes and influences.

To me, Tarantino's films, especially *Kill Bill*, are like sample based music. The sound/image/idea may be recycled, but in its new form it can sometimes be superior to the original.; March 28, 2008 at 10:18:00 PM PDT
Anonymous said...: You're right, Piper. I DID come to the defense of TITANIC on your blog. However, I only did so because you had somehow connected the film to the deaths of six million Jews in the Holocaust. I'm sorry, but I simply cannot agree that TITANIC is responsible for world hunger, premature ejaculation, and WAL-MART.

Neither one of those quotes mentions anything about how it deserved the Oscars it won. I am merely making a case that the film DID effect many, many people, which means the film cannot be "the worst thing ever created by humans; even worse than being drowned to death on the damned boat itself." Or however you put it.

Ergo - It's not as bad as you say.

Now KILL BILL, on the other hand, is not nearly good enough to deserve a blog post every other day for the rest of eternity.; March 28, 2008 at 10:25:00 PM PDT
Anonymous said...: I loved Kill Bill.
I hated Titanic.

But I didn't hate it as much as the carping going on between Ray and Pat. Truce, please.

Let's get back to the movies.; March 29, 2008 at 8:08:00 AM PDT
PIPER said...: Anon,

Fret not. Ray and I are like two old crumudgeons that bitch about the same thing over coffee every day. Fun to us, annoying and pointless to others. There are no ill feelings here and I doubt there are any with Ray.

But you are right. We shall move on to movies once again.; March 29, 2008 at 9:08:00 AM PDT
Anonymous said...: Fuck no, "Pat." I am not giving up this fight. I will hang onto my TITANIC defense tighter than a pit bull on a newborn baby. I shall never reliquish my hatred; if I was Darth Vader, I would have let the Emperor lightning-bolt Luke into a quivering pile of Jell-O at the end of Return of the Jedi. I SHALL FOREVER HATE PAT PIPER!!!!

Um, yeah.

I feel the same way as Piper ... it's fun to play like cocky brothers every once in a while. You know how it goes ... two brothers rassle each other and smack each other in the head a little, but it means nothing more than a little honest horseplay. Piper and I are like two lion cubs struggling for dominance on the plains of the Sahara.

So lighten up, anonymous, or we'll come after you next. LOL; March 29, 2008 at 12:46:00 PM PDT
Anonymous said...: Those two women are equal bad-asses.

One would lop off your head.
The other would put your balls in a garbage disposal.

Take your pick.; March 30, 2008 at 9:02:00 AM PDT
Megan said...: My mental picture of a curmudgeon involves a face with lots of wrinkles and grime embedded therein... In the spirit of the original challenge, how abouts we go with "hotheads" instead?; March 30, 2008 at 4:18:00 PM PDT