Wednesday, August 20, 2008

The Greatest Trick Tom Cruise Ever Pulled Was Convincing The World He Wasn't Crazy


Hey everybody, it's me, Tom Cruise. I'm in a new movie called Tropic Thunder. I play a big Hollywood producer named Les Grossman. You should see it. I'm funny in it and more importantly, I'm normal in it. I'm just like those other guys you like. You know Stiller and Downey Jr. They're normal. I drop F Bombs and I wear funny looking makeup and I yell and act all crazy. Except, I'm not crazy. I just want to make that extremely clear. I. Am. Not. Crazy. Not at all. I'm cool. And normal. And funny. So seriously, go and see the movie. And don't think about me jumping on a couch declaring my false love for Katie Holmes. Think of how funny I am in a fat suit that's really hairy. Don't think about me as the head of a strange and bizarre cult that thinks it's superior to everyone else, when actually it's a laughing stock. Think of me saying funny, everyday stuff like "nutless monkey." You know, stuff you would say to your normal friends when you act all normal and stuff. Don't think about me manipulating my wife and pulling her away from a promising movie career. Think of me "acting the fool" dancing to hip-hop music in my fat suit. Except I'm not a fool. Because fool means crazy. And I'm not crazy. I'm normal, everyday Tom Cruise. I'm one of you. One of you. One of you. One of you.

6 comments:

Fox said...

Oh that's just great Piper!!!

You ask Adam and I to help out on your blog and then you go and get Tom Cruise to guest blog behind our backs?!?!

Whatevs, man....

Piper said...

I know, but what was I to do? The guy finds out that I've asked some people to guest blog and so he calls me up on a Sunday. A fricking Sunday!!! And so there I am enjoying my egg white omelet, freshly squeezed pomegranate juice and dry whole wheat toast when I get this call from Tom Cruise hassling me. I'm like "do you know who the f you're talking to Tom Cruise?" But then he explained that it's all part of this new PR movement to get him back in the good graces of Redstone and that I could get a tax break if I let him post. Plus he said he would send me the outtakes of the Katie Holmes scene in The Gift. He told me there are hours of outtakes. So I said, hellz yeah.

But I promise you Fox, this is your and Adam's gig. No other appearances from other has-been movie stars.

Fletch said...

Never go full crazy. You can go partial crazy, like Russell Crowe in A Beautiful Mind or Nicholson in Cuckoo's Nest, but you never go full crazy. Look what happened to Spacey after Se7en and Carrey with The Number 23. Bad news.

Moviezzz said...

I'm just upset they missed what could have been a funny joke in the film.

At the end, when his character is alone and puts on a song and dances? Why not "Old Time Rock N Roll"? That would have gotten a bigger laugh than the hip hop song they used.

Hated the film otherwise, but liked what he brought to the film.

WaywardJam said...

Don't be stingy with those Katie outtakes! We all need to be reminded of her better days.

:-)

xw said...

There are Entropiauniverse ped in the Entropia Universe, and it is an advance and original exist in the world, We know, the Entropia Universe Gold can exchange the real money of the reality. The world you are enjoying in Entropia Universe Money can entertainment and get to know new friends. This economic structure lead Buy Entropia Universe Gold has one kinds of real value in the real world. You can use cheap Entropiauniverse ped to purchase various items of course, there are need to change.