The Long Lost Art Of Disney

There's always been an incredible design associated with Disney. And unfortunately, some of that has gone by the waist-side in order to make everything visually appealing to the common-man, which I guess has no artistic side to speak of judging by the more recent Disney posters. But there was a time when some of the best design around was happening with the Disney brand. Along with my house that I would love to fill with my favorite movie posters, I would also love to fill it with these old park posters. Each one advertised a specific ride and each one possessed its own unique style.

Thars Magic In That There Kingdom Part 2

How the fuck can you possibly make a scary commercial about the Happiest Place On Earth? Eastern Airlines found a way. I think we're seeing why this airline is no longer around.

For more Magic Kingdom Shennanigans check out Film Experience Blog.

Thars Magic In That There Kingdom Part 1

This commercial is part of a campaign that ran for Disney a few years back. The title of the campaign is "Magic Happens." Funny, isn't it? You see there's this popular phrase with a bad word in it, but then this takes out that bad word and switches it out with... ah you get it.

I will tell you that with over 15 years in advertising and doing about 80% broadcast during those 15 years, real emotion in a commercial is hard to come by. About 98.5% that attempt to drum up real emotion end up coming off like a bunch of posers because ultimately they're trying to peddle some product. This campaign is an exception.

In 90 seconds, it captures the Disney brand perfectly. And so I leave you with this on the day that I travel to Walt Disney World. And no doubt this afternoon I will be covered from head to toe in 70 spf as I swim in the pool at the Polynesian Resort with a perfect view of The Magic Kingdom in the distance.

For more Magic Kingdom Magicness, check me out and other guest bloggers at Film Experience Blog.

Top 5 Tuesdays (T5T) Honors The Not So Magic Of Disney

Last year about this time I asked for you to give me your Top 5 Best Disney Movies.

Today I ask for you to revel in the misses of Disney. We like to gloss over them, but they're there. So give them to me. Your Top 5 Worst Disney Movies.

Here are mine in no particular order.

1. The Haunted Mansion Eddie Murphy associated with something that might be called "the worst"? Man, that's strange.

2. Home On The Range Disney's last 2-D animated film sadly reminded us why they had to get out of 2-D animation.

3. Cars Sorry, this is rehashed crap. Less John Lasseter and more Brad Bird for the future of Pixar please.

4. The Country Bears What if a giant bear grabbed you and used you to wipe his ass repeatedly? That's this movie.

5. Beauty and the Beast This is Disney trying too hard to be serious and to me it's boring.

Yoo Hooo Vaitress. Have Ya Got Any Pretzels?

Damn. One of the greatest comedic talents of my time (maybe our time) died on Friday.

Harvey was middle of the road and twisted as hell. Few comic actors are good enough to walk that line. To live that life. And the comedy never suffered no matter what role he was filling, whether it be on the Carol Burnett Show or in a Mel Brooks film. The headline to this post is a line he delivered as a German soldier in a Carol Burnett Show skit. My next door neighbor and I used to always say that to eachother and laugh about it later. Of course Korman couldn't get through reading it without cracking up himself. That's what I loved about the guy. He loved to laugh. When Jimmy Fallon couldn't contain his laughter on SNL, it always bugged me, but when Korman laughed on the Carol Burnett Show it was like the punch line was delivered. The joke wasn't officially over until Harvey started laughing. And what's strange and interesting is that his break in character never compromised the comedy. It took it to the next level.

Thanks for the laughs Harvey. And that's for laughing right along with us.

Thanks to Burbanked for the heads up on this.

T'Ain't America Grand

There is reality show that's currently running called Celebracadabra. Let's pause for the awesomeness of that title. 1, 2, 3, 4, 5. Okay, enough pausing. The purpose of the show is to make B-List celebrities magicians. Again with the pausing to allow the awesomeness to fill every orifice of your body. And it stars C. Thomas Howell, an actor from some movies I don't know like E.T. The Extra Terrestrial and The Outsiders, but then a couple that I do. Masterpieces like Soul Man and Side Out. It also stars a guy named Ant who was the host of another reality show called Celebrity Fit Club which might be on the tippy top of my guilty pleasure list. Anyway, Celebracadabra is fricking fantastic and the best part is that when someone has to leave the show, they put them in a chair, cover them in a black blanket and then make them disappear. Here's a clip.

And on with other things. It's that time of year again when the fam and I go to Walt Disney World. I'm leaving this Wednesday and coming back on Monday. Thanks to Blogger realizing that it is indeed 2008, they have added a program that allows me to schedule posts. So not only will I have posts on my blog while I'm gone, I will also have a couple posts on Film Experience Blog because Nathanial is also going to be at Walt Disney World and has asked that a few of us guest blog about... wait for it... The Magic Kingdom. So anyway, check me out here at Lazy Eye Theatre and also at Film Experience Blog this next week but know that I will not really be at either blogs but instead I will probably be riding Snow White's Very Scary Adventure with my daughter. Like I said before... T'aint America Grand?

Baghead Trailer

This trailer scares the shit out of me for reasons previously stated.

Longing For The Lines!

When Iron Man first opened, I took my son and his friend to a Saturday 5:30 showing. We had a soccer game that afternoon, so the plan was that we would rush home, change clothes and then head to the movie theater and arrive around 4:45. With any luck, the line wouldn't be too long and we would still get good seats. As we arrived at the AMC Theater 24, I noticed the lack of hustle and bustle in front of the building. I ran over to will-call to receive my pre-paid movie tickets in anticipation of an early sell-out. It was 4:45 on the nose as we walked into the lobby of the theater. I was fully prepared to witness a line that went on for miles. And yet, there was nothing. Walking into that empty, line-less lobby was like Fast Eddy walking into a closed pool hall. It was embarrassing as hell and pretty damn heart-breaking. A bad sign of the times.

We took our time getting our sodas and our popcorn, then we found the exact seat we were looking for and plopped ourselves down with plenty of seats on either side of us. I apologized to my son and his friend for being there so early. And as we saw the same looped commercial for a local eye-care center for the third time, I apologized again. And as we finished our soda and popcorn before the movie ever began, I apologized yet again.


Growing up, part of my summer blockbuster experience was waiting in long lines. Lines across malls. Lines around the block. Lines blocking major intersections. Making small talk with my friends about the awesomeness that awaited us. Leaving two or three hours before a movie even started, anticipating the lines. Oh, those glorious lines. A line meant the movie was awesome, even if it wasn't. A line meant the city was alive. Something was happening and people were lining up to get a gander. Getting through that line was a badge of honor. Sitting in the corner seat in the first row was still great because you had earned the right to be there because you had stood in line and the aching feet were your scars to prove it. The truth is, the mega-plex is to blame. Gone are the days of the one or two screen theaters. Of movies playing once every 2 hours rather than once every 15 minutes. If there is a single theater, it usually plays independent movies, or $3 second run movies. Suburbs are filled with the 12 and 24 and 32 screen theaters and the downtown theater is just a faint memory.


Of course the studios love it because that means more screenings per day which means more money in the pocket. A release on thousands of screens is something to brag about in the halls of Hollywood. And yes for most, it's better. For those who don't see movies as something to plan evenings around, all of this is convenient. But if part of your criteria for seeing a movie is convenience, than I'm sure there are 45 copies of whatever just came out available at a Blockbuster near you. But that ain't me.


To me, movies should be an event. Something to talk about the next day. Something to plan for. Some might argue that there are no lines because there are no good movies anymore, but I'm not buying that. Iron Man was a good movie. A great summer blockbuster. One that I sure as hell would have waited in line for, had there been one. Man, I miss those lines.

For more movie nostalgia, check out Where Were You When and Kansas City's 1973 Cinema.

Top 5 Tuesdays (T5T) Roots For The Bad Guys

Bad guys. Hissssssssss. Booooooooooo. Hisssssssssss. The badder they are the gooder they are. Boooooooooo. Hisssssssssss. And when they get their comeuppance, it's awesome because you hated them so much because they were such good bad guys. Booooooooo. Hissssssssssssss. Immortalize them even more by listing them in this weeks Top 5 Tuesdays. Give me your top 5 best bad guys. Here are mine. Hisssssss.

1. Angela Lansbury as Mrs. Iselin in The Manchurian Candidate Puppeteers don't come any nastier than this. And I always thought she was a nice old detective from Murder, She Wrote.

2. Alan Rickman as Hans Gruber in Die Hard You can change your accent Hans, but you still got those snakey scales.

3. Glen Close as Marquise Isabelle de Merteuil in Dangerous Liasons So very glorious in her awfulness. I was angry for a week when she didn't receive the Oscar for her performance.

4. Colin Friels as Louis Strack Jr. in Darkman What an asshole. I hate this asshole. The way he talks. The way he looks. I can't stand this asshole.

5. Gene Hackman as Little Bill Daggett in Unforgiven Is there any better character actor than Gene Hackman? He is always good at playing his characters on the cold side. But there is no one colder than Little Bill.


Honorable Mentions: Ben Kingsley Sexy Beast, Lawrence Olivier Marathon Man, Ralph Fiennes Schindler's List, Kevin Spacey Seven, The Grinch The Grinch Who Stole Christmans.

It's Over Indy

May we always go out on top. May we always stay ahead of the curve. May we never have to listen to our audience tell us when it's time to stop.

When Michael Jordan came back to play basketball, was it for the love of the game? When George Foreman came back to fight again, was it out of sheer passion? When the Eagles go on their twenty-fifth "When Hell Freezes Over" tour is it because they love the music that much? Or is it for money? For ego? Is it possible that ego and love can go hand in hand? There's nothing more depressing than when someone tries to come back and remind you how magical it was when they were around, yet demonstrate to you why they left in the first place. Damn you Indy, you had it all. And you blew it. As we left the theater that was playing Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull this weekend, my ten year old looked at me and said "they just don't make movies like they used to, do they?" I'm not sure if he knew what he was saying, but damn it was profound.

I have to admit I was skeptical walking in to see this final(?) installment. I didn't feel that all of this was necessary. I mean, why can't Lucas and Spielberg work together on another great movie character and release that? Why do they have to revisit this well again? Well they did, and from the moment the movie opened, it felt more like "self-reflection" than "on with the show." It's my feeling that if you're going to give us one more, than by God, give us one more. Give us a great story, filled with great villains and great fights sequences. Don't give me the first few minutes of Indy talking with a character I've never seen before about past adventures. And don't give me a villain that I would rather fuck than fight. And don't give me a sword fight on the hoods of jeeps that harkens back to Return Of The Jedi. And please, please, please whatever you do, don't give me Shia LaBeouf as the sidekick. Ultimately this fourth installment was nothing more than a long string of one-ups. Everything trying to be better than it was before. Better action sequences. Better fighting. Better scenery. Better adventure. You know, like every other sequel we've ever seen. Damian of Windmills Of My Mind, recently wrote a good piece about the parallels between Indiana Jones and James Bond. There's no doubt that there would be no Indy without James. And if Lucas and Spielberg would have brushed up on their James Bond cinema a bit more they would have realized what almost killed the Bond franchise is one-upmanship. A desire to make everything better except the script. In the midst of all these one-ups, all I did was long for the original.

So what we're left with is a bunch of old has-been trying to relive the glory days. I usually relish cases such as these because it's usually ego that drives these things and I rarely enjoy ego. But unfortunately I didn't laugh here. I like Indy too much. What I did was cover my eyes, because I was no longer watching a great serial that kept me wanting more, instead I was watching a bad sequel that made me want to shut off the lights to signify that the party was over.

Wait! Here's an idea. Let's take what looks to be one of the worst presidents in history and make a movie about him. And let's start making it while he's still in office. High-fives all around, everyone.

Seriously, can't we let this guy just go away? Hasn't George W. Bush taken up enough of our time and energy? No matter the message, Oliver Stone's W will do nothing more than position George W. Bush as someone who was interesting enough to make a movie about. And he's not. Let the history put Bush in his place, not Oliver Stone.

A friend sent this to me because he knows of my deep, deep love of Michael Bay.

Is There Anything Geekier Than A Centaur

Allow me to give you a little Piper background.

I played Dungeons & Dragons growing up. I collected figures and multiple-sided dice. In short, I was geeky. But I loved the game and the images it created in my head of characters and different worlds and oh my God, there I go again... being geeky. I can't help it. A 12th level Paladin with a 24 dexterity, and somebody please stop me before I kill again!!!! I enjoyed that time and there's no doubt in the world that it helped me with my creativity, but I'm all grows up now and have placed it neatly up on a shelf as one would with a nicely painted Minotaur figurine.

So the family and I went to go see Prince Caspian, the latest installment in the Narnia Chronicles. I have enjoyed the books and because of my Dungeons & Dragons background, I have always enjoyed stories involving alternate worlds where Goblins lurk and giant buffalo creatures roam the earth on two legs with gigantic double-sided axes. When I talk of the Rings Trilogy, I still get some eye-rolls from friends saying they don't really dig fantasy movies. And to me, describing The Lord Of The Rings as a fantasy trilogy isn't doing it much justice. It's just a really good batch of movies. Dress up the bad guys how you like, but these were classic good versus evil movies. And when I defend or just discuss the Rings Trilogy, I do it unabashedly. Without guilt or fear of judgment. I don't make excuses for it saying "well, you have to like fantasy movies." You just have to like well-made movies on an epic scale. When the trilogy came out, the parallels between it and 9/11 were uncanny. And let me say that I hate drawing parallels such as this, but it was unavoidable and is a testament to the timelessness of these stories. There will always be good and there will always be some big fucking monster trying to kill all that is good.

Prince Caspian is not very good as a stand-alone movie and as the second installment in a franchise it's even worse. What makes the Rings Trilogy so good is the reason why Prince Caspian fails. The story could not transcend the mythical lands or the creatures. About halfway through the movie, the Narnians have lost a major battle and had to retreat. There's a quick exchange of glances between a couple Centaurs. The male centaur looks at the female centaur as if to say "things didn't go well." With this news, the female centaur begins to cry and all I could think was "man Centaurs are geeky looking." Like something an anti-social kid in early Jr. High might be drawing on his notebook instead of listening in his Math class. A special "character" in his imaginary world that he dreams about every single night. It's like a Liger in that it's a combination of two un-geeky things that when combined together becomes the pinnacle of geekiness. In the Rings Trilogy, you could dress the characters up as you like. They could be Hobbits or Wizards or gigantic trees, but they were still human in how they were presented in the movie. The Centaur scene was supposed to be emotional as two stoic man/horses delivered reams of dialogue in a single look and the result was pure hokiness. Not a human story, but just a geeks dream come to life on the big screen.

Top 5 Tuesdays (T5T) Loves The Ford

Indy is back and it's good to see him even if we have to speak a little louder this time. I kid, I kid. Indiana Jones is just one of the great characters Harrison Ford has played. And just one good performance among many.

So give me your Top 5 Harrison Ford performances. Here are mine.

1. Allie Fox Mosquito Coast

2. Rick Deckard Blade Runner

3. Colonel Lucas Apocalypse Now

4. Han Solo The Empire Strikes Back

5. Tommy Lillard The Frisco Kid

Why I Won't Burn My Entire Scorsese Movie Collection Just Yet

Watch the commercial and then read my commentary.



Shortly after I witnessed the public whoring of Scorsese in the Frexinet Sparkling Wines commecial, I saw another commercial in which he starred and suddenly all things were right in the world again. The commercial was for AT&T, and the message was "please be courteous and turn off your cell phones during the movie." I'm of the camp that doesn't mind commercials before movies if they are truly entertaining. And this one was. The acting is perfect from all three characters and the commercial lets Scorsese do his fast-talking, frantic thing and the result feels spontaneous - as it should. It's really something to think that this commercial was shot several times and directed pretty tightly, yet Scorsese's performance feels in the moment. Looks like my Scorsese movie collection will survive after all.