Friday, May 4, 2007

How Bad Is This Trailer?

Lucky You the new movie directed by Curtis Hanson (remember that guy that directed L.A. Confidential?) comes out today. And it's going to do really bad. I mean really, really bad. Like Grindhouse bad. Okay, maybe not that bad. But what chance does it have with a trailer like this? They would have been better off running a Head On type commercial that says nothing but Lucky You coming to theaters May 4, Lucky You coming to theaters May 4, Lucky You coming to theaters May 4.

This trailer continues to prove a point I've been making for quite some time. Hollywood thinks you are a moron. Don't believe me? Let's count the double entendres in this trailer.

1) There's the announcer that says "In a city of dreams, they're both looking for the one bet they can't lose." Get it? Seriously, get it? No seriously, do you get it? Bana and Barrymore are down on their luck in life and they can't take a bad hit in the love department.

2) Then you have Debra Messing saying to Barrymore "All you need is a little luck." In Vegas, all you need is a little luck. In Vegas! All you need is a little luck. Get it? Seriously, do you get it?

3) Next up Bana says "The trick is to not let the players know when you've got something good." So Barrymoore is a good thing, but Bana won't tell her because he's using his "Poker Face." Get it? No seriously, do you fucking get it?

4) Then there's Messing again "If anyone can turn nothing into something it's you." Jeez Messing, why didn't you just say "turn a bad hand into a good hand?" Why you gotta make me work so damn hard to understand this movie?

5) And here comes Robert Duvall (remember that guy that was so good in Apocalypse Now?) to Bana "you play cards the way you live your life. You live your life the way you play cards." Whoah, that may be to clever for a moron like me. Let me think about this again. So you're saying Bana should play cards like life and live cards like play? Oh shit.

6) Here's Bana again with another doozy "sometimes you play a hand you have no chance of winning. And every once in a while you catch a miracle card." So is Drew Barrymore the miracle card? Damn, I'm getting all confused with these double entendres.

7) Then Duvall again (remember that guy that was so good in The Apostle?) says "don't chase what you can't catch." So is he supposed to chase a bad hand or chase Drew Barrymoore?

8) Then there's the song "Have a little faith in me" by John Hiatt to help you along. Vegas movie. Faith. Love. Okay, now I get it again.

If you still don't believe that Hollywood thinks you're a bumbling, drooling idiot then check out this further proof by me and by Burbanked. Now if you don't mind, I'm going to go shit myself because I don't know any better.


Adam Ross said...

My question is -- just what was Curtis Hanson thinking?

Not only does Hollywood think its customers are morons, but the only people who will pay to see this are the morons who wonder "Wow, I wonder if they'll end up happy! I mean -- I really need to know! Screw Spiderman 3!"

Moviezzz said...
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Adam Ross said...

Moviezzz - I should have disclosed that I almost never see films of this genre, so any insight into the mind of a "Lucky You" viewer is based purely on prejudicial hyperbole.

ray said...

Um, yeah ... that's not too good. It's almost as if they composed the screenplay by randomly grabbing Hallmark cards from the shelf and assembling them in any order.

However, I find myself on the edge of my seat, wondering if they will get together in the end. Please tell me they do.

J.D. Judge said...

Universal knew they were screwed when they decided to release this on this day. Poor bastards.

Piper said...


I like Curtis Hanson very much. Of course there's L.A. Confidential and Wonder Boys is excellent and I enjoyed Hand That Rocks the Cradle and Bad Influence very much. Even when he's bad, he's good.

There's no doubt that Hanson has probably taken the material and made something out of it. They just did a horrible job with the trailer.

Moviezzz said...
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J.D. Judge said...

Whoops, I recently found out the film is released by Warner. Oh well, like it matters. $2.5 million. Poor Drew Barrymore.