You should know this about me. I'm famous.
I don't have to wear big sunglasses when I go out and pump gas and I don't get asked for autographs or to pose in photos (although I did pose in one photo because these women were on a bachelorette party and they said they needed a photo of Drew Carey on the scavenger hunt and I'm often told I look like Drew Carey) and stuff like that but I know a lot of people. I'm making the air quotation marks here around the word people because if you're talking about someone famous you're not really talking about people... you're talking about people (and again I'm making air quotation marks). And because you know me, you know these people (again with the air quotation marks) because of all that six degrees stuff. Here's a list of people that I have encountered in my life thus far. Just don't go calling on them because they may not remember me.
I met Kim Fields at an ABC All-Stars Olympic kind of thingy in California. She was nice. And sweaty.
Talked with Buck Henry for quite some time about ragtime music in Sedalia, Missouri. He's a big fan.
Used to deliver newspapers to David Doyle's (Bosley) brother. I don't think he took the weekend paper and was an okay tipper when I collected.
Met John Leguizamo when he was in Lincoln shooting To Wong Foo Thanks For Everything Julie Newmar. He was not in drag.
Jodi Foster said "hi" to me as I walked out of a theater at the Telluride Film Festival. Her movie Little Man Tate premiered there. I have loved her ever since.
The rapper Fat Joe said "whasssup" to me as I passed him on the stairs of our hotel in Miami. It was around 3 a.m. and he was blasting the stereo of his car so loud I could hear it in my hotel room. I called down to the front desk to complain.
Shook hands with Bruce Campbell and told him how much of a fan I was of his movies. He asked my named and then told me I was a good man.
Rode down the elevator with Busta Rhymes. He is a very large man.
Stood in line to a movie with Amy Irving. I attempted to have a conversation with her which evidently bugged her and caused her to move to the front of the line. Bitch.
Partied with Kelly Lynch's sister at a Country Bar in LA. She's as hot as Kelly Lynch by the way.
Stood next to Laura Dern and told her how much I enjoyed her in Rambling Rose. She was sweet like a Georgia peach.
While at a blackjack table in Vegas at about 3 a.m., I watched Vince Vaughn flip a cigarette into his mouth and then give me the shooters. I gave him the single shooter back and raised him a wink.
Met Paul Rudd in a bar in LA. We talked Jayhawk basketball.
Although I have never met Stanley Tucci, I have seen him twice at two separate restaurants in New York within one week. I think maybe he was stalking me.
And most recently at the Grindhouse premiere, I was walking over to meet Kurt Russell when I ran in to Quentin Tarantino instead. I told him I loved the films and he thanked me for coming. Never did meet Kurt Russell.