Wednesday, February 13, 2008

Declare Your Kooky Love

It's Valentine's week my friends and what better time to be a little crazy in love. Or a lot crazy in love. It's time to bring down the fences and loosen the tie. To let the love cards fall where they may, get the kink out and get yer freak on. Get bold and frisky. What does any of this mean? What am I saying? I'm not sure really, but I found myself a little in love with some recent photos of a certain someone and I thought what better time to declare that love than this week.

So here goes. I love Cynthia Rothrock the undisputed Queen of Martial Arts. Let me climb to the rooftops and shout it from the chimney tops. I love Cynthia Rothrock! Hey what are you looking at freak? It's okay that I love her. Don't look at me that way, this is love week and I'm crazy in love. Don't judge me, just go with it. No seriously, stop yelling at me you're hurting my feelings. Don't make me come down from this chimney top and kick your ass.

Why do I love her so? Let's start with the name. Let me break it down for you into two parts. Cynthia. I am going to call her Cyn. Hey Cyn, what's for dinner? Hey Cyn, did you know that your thigh is as big as mine, only yours is a bunch of muscle and well... I'm a whole lotta lovin. And when I'm feeling naughty I would call her Sin, but she would still think I'm calling her Cyn but I would know I'm not and that would be my own little dirty joke to myself and I would laugh but not so loud that she would ask me what I'm laughing about. Then there's her last name. Rothrock. That last name just suggests flesh being torn from the body. I'm going to Rothrock you! With a name like that, you just need to kick ass. If I was her Dad and she weighed a buck o five, I would have still told her she needed to go out and kick ass with a last name like that. She might say, "but Dad, I'm a buck o five and I want to be delicate and play the harpsichord" and I would say "but Cyn, your last name is Rothrock now go out and kick some ass."

Then there's the fact that she really does kick ass. I mean really kick ass. She's the female Bruce Lee. She holds five black belts in Korean and Chinese Martial Arts and is the five-time undefeated World Karate Champion in forms and weapons. So if I was at a bar and a guy ran into me I would say, don't mess with me man and then if he stepped to, I would step back and let Cyn put two Chinese Nine-Section Steel Whip-Chains upside his head. Then when she was all glisteny and breathing hard, I would hug her and maybe give her a noogie and would say "you kick ass."

Then there's the look. Sure she's muscular and normally I don't go that way, but she's kinda cute in a Samantha Fox 80's kind of way and she's kinda got a cute bubble butt that you just know you could bounce a quarter off of or chip a tooth on.

So that's it. I'm in love with Cynthia Rothrock damnit and I ain't ashamed to say so. At least not today. So what about you out there? What kind of kooky love do you harbor deep down. Let it loose. Break the chains that bind you and fear no judgment from this guy. Only open arms.


Adam Ross said...

She had the pleasure in "Fast Getaway" of roundhousing Corey Haim's ass back to the gutter (on a moving truck no less). That right there is worth at least a box of chocolates.

Anonymous said...

I have no idea who this chick is, but I encourage your unrequited infatuation with her.

I have a kooky love for Adrienne Barbeau in SWAMP THING. She can run topspeed through a marsh in heels, talk about recombinant DNA with intelligence and sex appeal, and get just enough water on her low-cut top to transfix your eyes onto her ample bosoms.

brian said...


Garrett Sorrels said...

Its random....but I'm feeling like letting it out.

Linda Cardellini,
She's best known as Lindsay Weir from Freaks and Geeks, My wife and i watched all 18 episodes a few weeks ago and over time...i developed a boyish crush, that crush slowly turned into a passion.

TALKING MOVIEzzz said...

Of her 47 films, I have seen exactly one of them, the TV Movie THE DUKES OF HAZZARD REUNION and I have no memory of it.

I remember seeing her on the new release walls of Blockbuster, but that was about it.

PIPER said...


Taint nothing kooky about having it for Adrienne Barbeau. She's a whole lotta woman.


Just go with it.


Never heard of her. I'll have to check it out.


She's definitely B level stuff, so you have to seek her out.

Anonymous said...

Okay, okay... Dana Delaney.


Anonymous said...

Erin Gray.

While her star has faded a bit in the last , oh, 20 years, as a pubescent teen watching Buck Rogers in the 25th Century, she always made my lower regions tingle. With giddiness. Especially the Space Vampire episode - you know what I'm talking about.

Mmmmm ... Erin Gray ...

Anonymous said...

Charles Durning. Seriously. He's such a roly-poly sweetie.

PIPER said...


So far Marilyn wins with the kookiest love.

SamuraiFrog said...

She's wonderful. I ran into her at a convention once and she was really nice and sweet. We talked for about 20 minutes (it was early), and she was very congenial. One of my favorite memories.

Megan said...

Stanley Tucci. I can't explain it. It just happened.

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