Thursday, June 21, 2007

Sgt. Peppers Ambitious Failures Club Band

On paper, the idea of combining a group of Beatles songs to tell a story sounds incredible. Which is why I have picked Sgt. Peppers Lonely Hearts Club Band as my selection for The Ambitious Failure Blog-A-Thon over at This Savage Art. I don't know how this whole thing went down and where it went so wrong, but I can certainly imagine. So that's what I'll do. Here's how I imagine the pitch went down to the studio exec for the idea of Sgt. Peppers Lonely Hearts Club Band the movie.

Pitch Guy: So this is what I'm thinking. Take a string of Beatles songs to tell a story. A great story.

Studio Exec: Hmmmmm. Coffee?

Pitch Guy: No, I'm good. What do you think? "She's leaving home", "Lucy In The Sky With Diamonds". The script practically writes itself.

Studio Exec: Mmmmmm Hmmmmm. Interesting. Breath mint?

Pitch Guy: No. No. No. Thank you. So what do you think?

Studio Exec: I love it, I think. Wait? Yes, I love it.

Pitch Guy: Great. Fantastic. It could be big.

Studio Exec: Great. Go run with it.

Pitch Guy: Great. You won't be disappointed (begins to leave).

Studio Exec: Wait!

Pitch Guy: Yes.

Studio Exec: Who is going to write it?

Pitch Guy: Not sure yet. I'm going to shop it around.

Studio Exec: Are you familiar with the story The Great Skycopter Rescue?

Pitch Guy: The Great wha....

Studio Exec: ... Skycopter Rescue. Written by Henry Edwards. He's going to be big. He should write the story.

Pitch Guy: I'm not so sure. No offense, but I've never heard of him.

Studio Exec: NOW. You haven't heard of him NOW. But remember the name. He's going to be big. Could be great for this project.

Pitch Guy: I'll think about it.

Studio Exec: Great. So now we got the idea and the writer.

Pitch Guy: Maybe the writer.

Studio Exec: Right. Maybe. Could be big. Run with it.

Pitch Guy: Great. (begins to leave)

Studio Exec: Wait!

Pitch Guy: What?

Studio Exec: Who stars? The Beatles?

Pitch Guy: Yeah. No. Not the Beatles. They're not together, you know.

Studio Exec: Hmmmmmmm.

Pitch Guy: I was thinking no big stars.

Studio Exec: No. Big. Stars. Hmmmmmmmm. Great! Love it! Run with it.

Pitch Guy: Excellent. Thanks. (begins to leave)

Studio Exec: Wait!

Pitch Guy: Yeah?

Studio Exec: What about another musical group? Say, like the Bee Gees. Yes. Wait? Yes, exactly like the Bee Gees.

Pitch Guy: Wow. Yeah. The Bee Gees huh? Yeah, I wasn't really thinking about them. This doesn't even really need to be a musical venue for anyone. It could just be a great story.

Studio Exec: Yeah. A great story with The Bee Gees. They're hot! Night Fever hot!

Pitch Guy: Yeah, but there's only three of them. You know, if we were going to do the Beatles, we would need four.

Studio Exec: Good point. Good point.

Pitch Guy: So anyways, I'll just be on my way and get to writing that script.

Studio Exec: I'm thinking.... I'm thinking... Peter Frampton as the fourth.

Pitch Guy: Peter Fucking Frampton?

Studio Exec: Yeah. Frampton comes alive! Good leading guy. Long blond hair. The ladies will love him.

Pitch Guy: Peter Fucking Frampton.

Studio Exec: And not just those four. This will be a who's who of today's talent. Like an American version of Tommy.

Pitch Guy: With The Bee Gees. And Peter Fucking Frampton?

Studio Exec: We're just spitballing here.

Pitch Guy: Right. Let me go spitball with the writer.

Studio Exec: Henry Edwards, right? He'll love it.

Pitch Guy: Whatever...

Studio Exec: Great! Henry writing for the Bee Gees and then Frampton just turns up the heat. Love it. Run with it. Write your acceptance speech. This is big.

That's how I imagine this thing going down. Maybe I'm right. But like I said before. It was a great idea but a poor execution. Could have been big. Could have been something. But instead, it was Sgt. Peppers Lonely Hearts Club Band.


Anonymous said...

Piper, this is a cool post!

Have you ever thought about writing plays or scripts? You have a nice ability to write punchy, play-like dialogue.

Just a thought.

Anonymous said...

You forgot to mention the copious amount of drugs the participants were taking when they had the discussion. That's really the only way to explain the complete and utter wrongness of that movie.

PIPER said...


I have thought about that. Thanks.

I write a lot of broadcast for my job, so that might explain something.

I'm glad you like the post

TALKING MOVIEzzz said...

And don't forget, the addition of George Burns, Steve Martin, and Alice Cooper. Don't they seem perfect for a Beatles film?

Anonymous said...

Steven Tyler scared me in that movie. Actually, he scares me now too...

It DID give us the film debut of Steve Martin - put that in the plus column.

Another in a long line of stellar posts. Thanks.

PIPER said...

Thanks Jack,

Steven Tyler scares me also. But he also gets a lot of girls. And helped produce a very beautiful daughter. I'm still trying to figure all that out.

Is this the fictional Jack Dawson from Titanic?