Thursday, October 2, 2008

Dear Mrs. Vorhees,

I hope this letter finds you well. As you know, Summer is coming to an end which means that time at Camp Crystal Lake is almost over. It truly is a rewarding experience to bring joy to so many children through fun activities like basket weaving and archery. It's no wonder why Camp Crystal Lake has been awarded with the Golden Hatchet for Best Camp three years running. If you ask me, it has a lot to do with what is in my opinion the best camp counselors in the whole United States.

But enough of my bragging. The reason I'm writing today is to let you know that you don't need to pick up Jason from camp. You see, there's been an accident and Jason is no longer with us. And when I write "no longer with us" I mean no longer with anyone. He has passed on to a much happier place where the joy of Camp Crystal Lake is never-ending , minus the accident part of course. And when I write "passed on" I mean we can't find his body anywhere. But when we do, we will ship him back to you free of charge.

We can never pretend to understand the sorrow you feel right now, but we hope that the enclosed mittens and sweater made by our very own campers in craft class might lessen your pain. At the very least, it will keep you warm this Winter.

If you have any questions or comments, please don't hesitate to contact me.

Your Truly,

Jeff Stucky
Camp Director
Camp Crystal Lake
Est. 1935


elgringo said...

At least the shipping's free!

EVIL CLOWN said...

Seriously, after reading this letter I don't understand why Mrs. Vorhees got so pissed.